Yesterday I made yet another "epic" journey to Salt Lake City, UT, to see my man, Ken. I started the day with a crooked back and high hopes that my chiropractor would be able to fix me first thing in the AM so I could go blissfully thru the rest of my day and then my 10 day vacation. Didn't exactly work out. Marginal improvement was made. It was something.
One of the things I did to myself was to offer to bring a (this) laptop with me on vacation so I could work a bit and try to keep up on things. I would do this if they paid for me to check my bag. They agreed. So I was happy because I got to bring the bigger suitcase YAY! And sad because I wasn't going to be totally on vacation. But mostly so I'll stop whining about it now.
I had the great idea to take the train from work to the airport. Never did that before. It was kind of cool! I'll do it again someday! Saw some new views of Mpls and got to smell a little BO. It was hot and the guy sitting in front of me liked putting his arms up. So I breathed shallowly. I survived.
First leg into DFW was great! I was a special passenger and got an entire row of 3 seats all to myself!! Felt like a rock star :) Except for the fact that I was 2 rows away from the bathrooms and that got a little fragrant now and again. This trip was turning out to be fragrant. When you go out amongst the people it gets like that.
So I get into DFW. Sigh. You almost need stamina training at some airports. I came in at the D gates. My next flight left from the C gates so I started walking. They could use a LOT more moving walkways at DFW!! JS!! So I walked and walked. And I started really hating this lunky, heavy laptop. I went up the escalator and walked. Then down another escalator and walked. Then walked over a highway in a skyway. Then more escalators. Then a tram. Then another escalator. And then...(drumroll) my gate! It said the flight was going to Orlando. I was a bit early tho Orlando might have been nice. I had 2 hrs to wait. My back was aching from carrying the damned laptop all over kingdom come. I was in crabby bitch mode. I was wondering why my work didn't use those cute little notebook type laptops instead of these 50 lb behemoths! 50 lb behemoths should automatically come with wheels so people with crappy backs can drag them around on the floor behind them! Ok, so it's not 50 lbs but my back was sore and I was being a pussy about it.
I thought I found a McDonalds to eat at but was detoured by the pretzel offerings at Auntie Anne's. I did not eat a well balance diet yesterday. That pretzel was the best thing I ate all day!
So I finally get on the plane. Some guy who looks like Santa Claus has hijacked my seat. He's giving me this look and I figure if he wants the window seat that fucking bad, go for it! So I took the middle.
I would like to say that whoever designed those seats should be taken out and shot!! They have NO lumbar support. In fact, they force you into a hunched position. I was fantasizing about how wonderful it would be if only I had a big fat pillow to slip back there so my back wouldn't hurt!
Santa Claus was a sprawler. He splayed his legs out. He took over the arm rest. I hunkered over to my left as much as I can. I'm no tiny petunia myself so let's say I didn't get too far left.
Santa tried to strike up a conversation. I gave monosylabic responses and he finally left me alone. I'm not a good conversationalist when I'm suffering and crabby! I'm rather anti-social in good circumstances.
Last night was the night for people to bring their cranky, exhausted little kids on the flight. We were swarmed with them! I lost track of which kid was crying when. Poor little dudes! I was a little jealous because if I was like them I could have been throwing a tantrum to the attendants about the shitty seat designs and how my back really hurt! I could have cried and moaned and vented! Instead I just had a lengthy bitch stream running in my brain. Let's just say the F word popped up regularly.
So I finally found a relatively comfy spot (oh gag,,.Baby just took a shit in the cat box and I caught a whiff...gag!) by curling forward with my elbows on the little fold down table, holding my head in my hands. I was doing this really well apparently because I dozed off. I know I dozed off because the woman on my left accidentally bumped me and I almost jumped out of my skin in startlement!
Well I squirmed all thru that 2 hour flight, trying to keep my back from being too miserable. I was actually praying (gag, caught another whiff) that the flight would end soon and I'm an agnostic! But at that point, I was desperate and figured it couldn't hurt. Lucky for me, if God is there, that he wasn't pissed at me for being agnostic and answered my prayer with a flaming plane wreck!
All these whiffs are reminding me of the last little part of my flight. The time when Santa Claus decided to start dealing some SBD's. Silent, but deadlies. Holy Hell!! I tried my best not to breathe! We were coming in for a landing when he started up. I couldn't look out the window because that would have meant facing into the vile cloud of stench! Ken asked me if I saw the fires when I landed and I had to tell him I couldn't because of the horrible stench from the guy next to me...I was wondering if he crapped his pants or something? I wondered if the folks around me thought I did it? (another whiff...gag...when will this kitty litter kick into action??)
Well my semi-crippled ass is in UT now. Relax! We head for ND tomorrow. I have a day of rest. So far work has been quiet. I like that!
