Cursed Christmas

Oh no!  That dreaded time of year has reared its ugly head again! 

I wish I could say that this time of year fills me with happiness and a feeling of goodwill towards my fellow man.  Instead it makes me want to clutch my pocketbook to my breast and hang on for dear life!  It also makes me groan  when I think of the extra work that needs to be done to decorate, shop and bake in preparation for the big event.  And then there is the event.  Organized chaos!  Luckily my sister manages that for the most part since she hosts every year.  She’s allergic to my dog and has a much larger house than I do so it’s just the way it’s been for years.  YAY Stacey!!  Thank you for saving me from some of the chaos!!

The one good thing about it is I get a day off with holiday pay.  Meh.  It’s something. 

This year I have been making my credit cards weep in agony as I try to get my house into compliance for sale.  (Joy of living in a mobile home - another pack of folks who get to boss you around aka the Park Office) I REALLY want to get it sold and get on with my life!  I feel like it’s a weight around my neck right now and it’s strangling me a bit.  (When I let myself feel all dramatic about it, which I do sometimes.)  So here comes Christmas.  The season of gift giving.  yay.  I really get what Scrooge felt about it!  The last time I felt the “magic” of Christmas I was a little kid and my Mom was the one groaning through all the work to make it magical for me.  Thanks Mom!  That was the best time of my life and I was too stupid to know it!  Then I grew up and it became my job and the party was over.  Dammit!  I keep telling my grandkids not to be in such a hurry to grow up.  It isn’t that great!  Think they’ll listen?  Of course not.  They never do.

So now I’m trying to figure out how to afford gifts for my loved ones while avoiding making my checkbook/credit cards begin to rend their garments in agony.  It doesn’t help that I don’t have a clue what to get for anyone this year and that giving everyone money would be tacky as well as looking bad to have nothing but envelopes under the tree.  Tempting though because boy oh boy, would it simplify my life to do it that way!  I need to PONDER what they might like that’s cheap.  I don’t have time to ponder!  I tend to fill that time reading books (bad habit I know).  I should probably make myself leave the books alone and just sit and ponder a while.  I wonder if that would help?  Knowing me, I’d zone out and not accomplish anything.  Or I’d wander off because I thought of something I had to do. 

So I’m stuck with the gift giving festival conundrum.  Bah Humbug!

And then there’s the decorating.  Last year I gave away my crappy fake tree and didn’t decorate at all.  Penelope was too little to care and Brooke & Ariana were in WA with their Dad so they didn’t care either.  I didn’t care – it was great!  Now, since I Penelope is old enough to notice and the girls are here this year, I feel like I should decorate but I’ve given myself an out.  Lee (daughter I donated crappy fake tree to) may or may not use my tree.  Her boyfriend wants a real one.  If they get a real one, I’ll take my crappy fake tree back and decorate it and be a good grandma with a festive house for the kids to visit.  If they decide to save some $’s and use the tree, gosh, grandma is off the hook!  Weirdly tho, I’ll feel a bit bad if I’m off the hook.  My grandparents always had things looking festive for us when we visited.  I feel like I’m dropping the ball on this one.  But I’m also too poor (see above) to purchase another crappy fake tree so that’s that.

So my house may or may not be decorated.  And either has drawbacks.  Bah Humbug!

And finally there is the baking.  Now normally I LOVE baking!  I really do!  But this is baking that becomes almost like work because there is so much of it.  And it has to be done by a certain time so it can be shipped in time to get to loved ones before the holidays.  Pressure.  GAH!  Plus ingredients aren’t free (see above). 

There is another piece to this issue for me.  I’m trying to lose weight.  My natural state seems to be fat and if I don’t diet constantly I revert to fat.  Sadly I’ve reverted to fat again so must fend it off.  So I’m back to dieting AND I’m supposed to bake a billion cookies.  All those good smells and flavors surrounding me for days and days!  And I’m supposed to diet.  Yeah right.

Diets kill joy. 

I wish I liked being slim more than I like eating yummy food!  Alas, that is not the case.  Would solve some problems if it was. 

Why can’t anything that tastes so good be good for you?  Why am I stuck munching on freaking celery as a snack???  Why the hell can’t the cookies I bake be a healthy option?  Because it’s a sin.  Yes, cookies are sin incarnate.  Anything that makes you happy and feels good is sinful and bad for you.  Christmas cookies are sin incarnate – leading you into temptation and indulging in one of the 7 deadly sins, GLUTTONY!!!  Think about it folks!  Life isn’t fair.  If life was fair, ice cream would be diet food. 

I don’t know if I’m going to resist GLUTTONY well.  I rather like sinning sometimes!  Most of the time in all honesty.  I'm a bad seed.  I may have to give in to my dark side if I’m going to enjoy this holiday season at all…JS

The fat/diet/cookie/sin thing makes me bitter.  Bah Humbug!