Our trip to Nine Mile Canyon

I just spent a weekend in Nine Mile Canyon down by Price, UT, looking for petroglyphs.  Once we got the hang of it they weren't hard to find!  We drove and drove, craning our necks, scanning to find the ancient graffiti and suddenly came upon a balancing rock.  It looked pretty precarious and rather impressive.

So we took some photos of it.  And then Ken showed me a picture of a little petroglyph he spotted while shooting the rock and we were on our way!

Can you see the little dude?  He's pretty square.

Here's a zoomed in shot (they aren't super easy to see as you drive by...sometimes)

So we got out of the car, all excited, and went down the little ditch and up the other side and began a short ascent to see this little dude and off to our right, there was a mother lode, tucked back where it couldn't be seen from the road!

Here's Ken, who gets credit for the first find of the trip!

I was so excited to make contact with history!  Still makes me smile to think that in a way I made a connection with a Fremont person who also touched this stone and, unlike me, left a more permanent mark of the event.

After the first find we started to develop an instinct for where they might be found.  But the carvers played with our minds on a regular basis.  You'd see panels that looked ideal for art, stare and stare and nothing.  Nada!  Often we'd have to just stare a while to see them.  Sometimes it was luck.  You'd climb up to something you'd seen and find a bunch more tucked here and there in the area.  We learned to look around carefully before climbing back down.  There was often much more there than you could see doing a drive by.

We noticed a number of things while we were searching for art.  They usually liked broad, smooth panels with contrasting surfaces.  Not always tho.  Always exceptions to the rule.  You'd climb up to some panels and then find a little deer or something carved into some rough rock, a narrow edge, at an angle.

Ken said there was oil shale all over the place (which explains the mining that was going on carefully in certain areas of the region).  Sometimes when you'd look up you'd see a glob of black stuff that appeared to be oozing out from between rocks.  It wasn't moving or anything so anything it was doing was a slow process.  Some rock had black stuff creeping down across the surface.  Later on, some of the rocks looked almost burned.  I think the black tarry material might have finally fused to the lighter stone underneath.  Here is a good example of that...

These images were chiseled in, maybe a 1/4"...someone worked very hard to chip them into the rock

Most were on lighter surfaces than the one shown above, like the first hidden ones we saw, but many were on rocks that almost appeared stained or burned.

It rained off and on while we were there and I have to say that it is one of the best smelling places on earth that I've been so far.  Especially after a fresh rain!  There are wild sage and pine all over the place.  The air is a fresh, sweet, spicy combination of those scents with mustard and little flowers mixed in here and there.  I enjoyed just breathing there!  I wish they could bottle that scent so I could take it home with me!  One of the other places that has a remarkable scent, in my opinion, is a redwood forest.  You can tell when a redwood is near.  But that's another story.  Anyway, if you ever go there you'll know what I mean about how great it smells.

Snakes and spirals featured very often in the Fremont (or Ute?) art.  The art below shows a spiral turning into a snake.  We figured there could be a few reasons for this.  When taken in context by looking at the area around you, you see that the water source, stream, curls and wends around like a snake.  Maybe the river seemed snakelike to them?  Plus there are many snake types in the area, including a rattler which likes to coil up and sun.  It seemed important to them.  Many pieces seemed to have snakes in them and often spanning large portions of the carvings.

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We learned that the Fremont left the area around 1200 AD.  Not sure when the Ute came in but horses were introduced in the late 1600's.  So all the horse carvings came from the Ute.

We found hundreds of carvings once we got an eye for it!  When we were finally tired and heading home, I'd look out the window and see one here and there...just like they were saying bye!  On the way home we passed under a bridge with some rusted areas on it.  I caught myself squinting at it, half expecting to find a little carved figure looking back at me.  I admitted as much to Ken and he laughed because he noticed he'd done the same thing!

Some things I learned about Ken.  Some I knew but were reinforced.  First of all, and this was a bit humbling, in spite of Ken having really bad knees he usually would beat me during the climbs and be sitting at the top, watching and waiting for me to arrive.

One climb I was determined to beat him to the top so found a different route that required a little more climbing and beat him!  I was gasping and panting but dammit I beat him!  And then on the way down, I followed the same route and managed to have a short fall and scraped up my elbow and legs.  Stung for a little bit!  After that I stopped being competitive with him.  I learned.

my elbow...yup I bled for those petroglyphs

What was reinforced and highlighted was Ken's stubbornness.  On day 2, when his knees were already sore from the previous day's exertions, we came upon some glyphs that were a substantial climb over rocks and on loose shale/soil.  I was ready to take pictures and move on but he announced he was going to climb it.  I argued that we should take zoomed pictures and then see what we had when we got home later.  He said he was going to climb.  I said it was too dangerous.  He said, OK, I'm going to climb it.  So I pocketed my little camera and started after him.  He was surprised I was joining him but there was no way I was sitting at the bottom while he went up to see everything!  Once again, he was sitting there, waiting for my gasping panting self.  Bleah.  But the carvings were fantastic!

here are some of the carvings we saw...there were many more along a whole wall of panels

here is a view of the car from the top of that particular climb - there were a few like this before we were finished

One other thing I learned about Ken is that when he is interested in something, very little gets in his way.  I think Ken wanted to see every possible petroglyph that could be accessed from the road.  I'd say how we'd seen plenty, let's move on and find the ruins and he would still drive to each potential panel and do a quick study before moving on and if there was something remotely accessible, we were going.  We only hiked in once at Daddy Canyon and managed not to find anything except pretty scenery for our troubles.  Ken built some cairns as symbols of our having been there.  Did that in Canyonlands too.  I like that!

  

We saw some cool old ruined buildings.  There were free range cattle in some of them and they got very upset with us for stopping to take pictures.  Cow mooing carries loudly in canyons!  They kept it up until we were out of sight.  Sorry we offended you cows!

Ken is in the next room right now watching sports.  I want to get this down while it's fresh in my head.  In the span of 2 days we experienced a lot.  We came across a doe grazing near the road and stopped to take a photo.  She saw us watching her and then surprised us by coming a bit closer for a look at us!  She was pretty beautiful!  The carvings show a lot of deer, bison, elk, etc. but they weren't apparent to us while we were traveling thru.  We did see a lot of cattle but not a lot else.  Well, we did see some speedy little lizards zooming around on the rocks.

she came in for a closer look

little brown lizard climbing vertical

We saw gorgeous scenery!!

We climbed to an ancient Fremont village site.  Wasn't much village to see.  Some rocks in circles. Considering how old the site is it was still pretty remarkable. According to the literature we had on them, they would dig partially into the soil and use lumber for roofing.  The village was strategically placed on an outlook with the river running below and mountain to the back.  They had a fantastic view of the valley around them.

a rock wall along one side of the structure

Rocks in a circle - middle would have been dug out, with stone benches along outer walls and topped with lumber roof.  Looking out over the valley, the green in the background.

Visiting this place was a moving experience for me.  I LOVE looking for the ghosts of the past!  In this place I got to touch some of them and felt a connection to that long ago time.  Ken loves this too.  He thought he would have enjoyed being an archaeologist.  I can see him loving that!  The office space is gorgeous!  I was calling him my "pocket geologist".  When he didn't know something he just made up some outrageous crap and made me laugh.  

We spent hours "off the grid" as there was no phone signals in there.  Since Ken works all the time it was nice to have him all to myself!

We work well as a team.  We watch out for each other and have flexible attitudes when things don't go our way.  Like when we couldn't find the granaries or some of the artwork touted in the info we had on the area. We only got a little grumpy for a little while.  Then we'd find something else to get excited about.  I trust him to save me if I got hurt.  I told him we should bring a dolly in with us next time so I can save him if he gets hurt!  

For my earlier comments/complaints, I'll admit we take turns being stubborn and the other is a good sport about going along with it until we hit mutual agreement that enough is enough.  Like our futile trek into Daddy canyon that still served up some beautiful scenery when we weren't feeling oppressed by the heat and lack of breezes and artwork.  (We picked a bad route I guess)  We got as far in as we did because we kept taking turns saying, let's just go around that curve and see what's up there, then we'll head back.  And then grumbling because we hadn't brought water in.  We'd been hiking about 10 minutes already for cripes sake!

We came out of the canyon tired, a bit scraped/scuffed, dirty/gritty, sunburned, thirsty and I had caveman hair from driving with the windows open and no ponytail.  Oh well!  It now rates as yet another of my favorite trips and a place I'll be happy to return to again!  

Random thoughts to pass the time...

I have a bit over an hour to blow here at work and don't have much to do.  This is a sweet situation since I'm going on vacation for a week and a half and leaving on Sat!  I've done my job and I've done it well!!  But I've done it so well that I'm pretty bored right now so figured I'd blog since I haven't for quite a while.  Hey, it won't change the world but it will help pass the time!

One of my recent thoughts is about how it seems like gay people are coming out right, left and in between!  I feel kind of left out, being a straight person and all...plus I'm starting to wonder who is going to do all the breeding?  Nah...there's enough breeders out there.  Too many actually.  Many who shouldn't be breeding in the first place!  Having said that I need to check myself because if my biological grandmother and grandfather, on my Dad's side, had not bred, and they should not have because they wreaked destruction on 2 to 3 generations because of their hideous parenting or lack thereof...boy that sentence ran on!  The point is, if they hadn't bred (I'll avoid the detour this time) I wouldn't be here and that would be tragic in my opinion.  Shit!  I never thought of this before!!  I always have felt offended by hideously bad parents and felt superior to them (well I am).  But now I have to wrap my head around this latest epiphany...that I exist because two super shitty people screwed around and popped out my Dad!  And we won't even go into the continuing saga as to why I shouldn't exist beyond that! 

Anyway, why is everyone suddenly feeling compelled to admit their sexuality lately?  Is there something in the water?  I just feel like it's kind of weird I guess.  I'm kind of tired of it because honestly I don't care.  I have sex with men.  I like it.  I've never felt compelled to have sex with a woman.  I don't feel bad about that but I did feel good when one finally hit on me because...I always like to feel wanted!  Did anyone care to hear this?  Probably not.  That's my point.  I don't care who anyone wants to have sex with.  As long as it's a consenting adult I'm all for it!  I'd like to go thru a single day without anyone talking about being gay.  Frankly I'm bored with it.  My rainbow flag is tattered from overuse.  (Ok I don't have one of those...I'm trying to illustrate my feelings.) 

And this brings me to another subject that was running through my head yesterday while I was listening to the Lori & Julia talk radio show.  They were talking about how young people these days don't see color (race).  That struck me as super obnoxious!  What the hell is wrong with people seeing color???  I see color when I look at people with different skin than mine!  Kind of impossible not to!  Why are we supposed to pretend we're all the same?  We aren't!  It's nice that we aren't.  Think how incredibly boring the world would be if we were all the same.  Just wrap your heads around that for a bit.  Try it on.  Yawn.  My brain is shutting down from the boredom so going to stop thinking about that.

I see skin color.  It doesn't matter except that some folks can get away with wearing hot pink or yellow and some should NEVER wear those shades! 

That's not the criteria I used when making judgments about people.  Now if they act like an asshole to me or stand around begging for money, then I make some judgments about them.  And I say that begging for money bit because I've been begged at quite a bit lately by white dudes and black dudes and was wondering who would automatically think I was being racist?  Because some will!  Some always think the worst.  Usually the ones who are the busiest running around advertising how open minded and tolerant they are.  It's called irony.  Which, if anyone thinks I'm racist they are feeling smug about my irony comment...if they understand it.  Boy I used some bad grammar in that sentence but not sure how to clean it up...going to leave it.  Notice how I use... a lot?  I like using...

There is a white guy who stands on a corner I drive by on my way to work everyday, holding up a cardboard begging for money.  He has nice tennis shoes.  He looks clean, well dressed and well fed.  Good for him but why should I give him my hard earned money??  I was running into a Walgreens to get some pain meds the other day, for my aching back, and some black kid, walking by, stops between me and the door and asks me for a dollar.  I gave him a glare and said no.  I didn't like how he said it like a reflex.  Why should I give this kid a dollar??  Why does he thing I should?  What is wrong with these people?  Anyway, I'm judging the crap out of those 2...and the guy who drunkenly staggered out of the bar and set up by the road with his cardboard "I'm a homeless vet" sign the other day while I was sitting at a red light.  Nice.  Try to be sober when you beg at least.  But there are suckers who will give them money and feel all angelic and glowy on the inside.  These guys are there to take advantage of the dumb dumbs! 

Have you read about Bradley Manning wanting to start his sex change process now that he's going to prison for 25 years?  Is that why he leaked government secrets?  So he could go to prison and get a free sex change?  This guy is a HUGE pain in the ass!!  Holy crap!!  I want to know who is going to be paying for his hormone treatment.  I'm guessing the government that he betrayed will be doing that won't they?  Nice.  As in, insane. 

I want to say, yet again, how ridiculously glad I am that I was born in this country!!  I'm coming to the conclusion that more places suck to live in, especially being female, and I'm doing the happy dance I wasn't born in any of those suck holes!!  In Re: Egypt's recent shenanigans and http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/aug/15/women-forced-marriage-spoon-underwear
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-23791181 for some examples to illustrate my point!  When I get to pissing and moaning I just need to read the news to remember that my life could be much, much worse!

I'm avoiding phone calls at work.  People want money.  I don't like those conversations lately.

Rereading this...I sound kind of bitchy.  That's not super unusual for me when I talk about certain subjects.  Most of the time I'm a ray of sunshine and bliss to those around me!  (I also exaggerate sometimes) 

I'm having allergies.  Taking Claritin every day lately to keep from sneezing my head off but I'm still noticing it.  Perfect timing since I'm about to go on vacation to see my sweetie and he has 2 cats that I'm allergic to!  I may have to spend a lot of time outside on my vacation!  Luckily it doesn't rain a lot in UT so I should be able to pull  that off. 

Does anyone else get weirdly obsessed with things and notice it more so as they age?  Like me?  I'm planning my week and a half long vacation and in the back of my mind I'm thinking, what if my car breaks down when my daughter is using it?  What if Bruiser gets an ear infection?  I'm almost out of meds and they won't give me more unless I spend $300 on his annual check-up.  Everyone wants their piece of the pie.  I don't remember veterinarians being hold-up artists when I was a kid.  Your dog got a rabies and distemper shot and that was enough.  They didn't have to run a billion stupid tests every year!  I NEVER had to bring poop to the vet with my dog when they went in for a check up!  Now they give you the hairy eye-ball when you say no to anything they want to do, like you're a bad puppy parent.  And you walk out after paying $300 for crap you probably didn't need.   I resist.  Bruiser is a senior citizen with some chronic problems so it can be a challenge.  I get incredibly tired of the hairy eye-ball crap.  Though last time the vet agreed that maybe he didn't need a billion tests since he is now over 14 years old and maybe spends 10 mins outside a day since his chronic limp gets bad when he walks much.  He is seriously low risk! 

I detoured again.  This is a good trip since I'm pretty much just obsessing over those 2 things instead of a bunch of things.  Guess it could be worse.  I wonder why I worry about crap like that tho!  I don't think I used to.  I took my kids out to the Black Hills in my crappy little VW Golf years ago and wasn't worried a bit about the car breaking down that I recall.  Now I can't think of making a drive to Duluth without fretting over potential breakdowns and finally calling it off...and I have a good car!  Something is wrong with me.  Maybe I should see a shrink.  If it gets worse I will. 

I don't think I'm supposed to start sentences with And.  Yet another bad habit.  Blarg.

I'm praying for it!

I'm praying for you.  I'm praying about it.  (You can give yourself the illusion you're doing something by sitting there doing basically nothing.)  I'm exhausted.  I've been praying about this all day! 

Note to self:  Check that whisker...feels like it might be coming back and it's time to get tweezers.

My thoughts on the Zimmerman trial and verdict

Yesterday George Zimmerman was found not guilty of 2nd degree murder/manslaughter in the shooting of Trayvon Martin.  He's still in some major trouble because of all the hype that has surrounded this case and the racist allegations.  George really didn't have a chance when the media got hold of this story.

I'll admit I was disappointed that he didn't get manslaughter.  I personally didn't think it was a case of racial profiling but he chose to take a gun with him to check Trayvon out after 911 told him to stay away.  He made choices that ended up to be fatal to an innocent young man.  I have a problem with anyone getting away with that.  At the same time, when a lawyer explained the threshold for self defense vs. manslaughter it made sense.  It still doesn't feel like justice was served to me.

Here are my thoughts on what happened based on what I've skimmed.  I have not been raptly attuned to this case tho I have watched it.  AND, most importantly, I was not in the court room and neither were most of us and we did not hear the evidence that the verdict was decided on.

The first error and this is why I hold George responsible for this killing, is that he took a gun with him to investigate this young man when he was told NOT to by 911.  That was the fatal decision that set this whole thing in motion.

I suspect I understand why he did that after hearing some testimony.  He was scared.  From the sound of it, George is less than a physical specimen.  He was obese and couldn't fight.  The gun made him feel secure.  I think the decision he made was part of his psychology.  It made him feel "like a man" when in other areas he didn't feel terribly confident, for good reason apparently.  I imagine he decided to ignore the 911 operator's warning because he wanted to be a hero and catch the person who'd been committing thefts in the area.  This was his big chance to be THE MAN!  If he hadn't had that gun I'm betting he would not have gotten out of his car.

So he approaches Trayvon.  No idea what triggers them to start fighting but this is where Trayvon made his fatal mistake.  Trayvon chose to straddle George and abuse him.  He picked the wrong target.  Trayvon, I think, was a classic, hormonal 17 year old male.  Meaning they have the sense of a flea when their testosterone levels jack up.  I think, from Trayvon's POV, here's this fat little dude trying to be a tough guy after scaring him a bit following him and his hormones are racing and he's going to teach him a lesson.  If he would have just stood there and waited for police to show.  If he would have chosen to react in a non-violent way, he probably would have lived.  Instead he thought he found an easy target to pound down.  Feels good to do that kind of thing when you're a young, hormonal male.

Well he attacked a man who, at his very core, was a terrible coward.  Who was terrified that Trayvon was going to kill him.  I supposed it's possible but I'm guessing he may have stopped with a good beat down but when you attack a coward who thinks he's going to die, rightly or wrongly, and he has a concealed weapon...well this is what happens.

It sickens me that both of these men made the decisions that they made that brought them to this result.  Neither was innocent.  Trayvon shouldn't have had to pay with his life.  He might have done some jail time for assault but death?  Not ok.  George will also pay with his life, in a different way.  Unless someone decides to kill him which I think is possible at this point.  He will have difficulty getting/holding jobs probably for the rest of his life.  He basically screwed himself even though the jury found him not guilty.  He is guilty of killing Trayvon.

When I heard about the threshold for manslaughter, that all these things, choosing to carry his gun and ignore 911, choosing to confront Trayvon, in the end, didn't matter.  All they needed to prove was that George felt his life was in danger and that he needed to strike back with whatever force he had available to help him save his own life, to prove self defense.  I think his defense proved that.

I wish there was a charge/sentence for murder because you made HORRIFICALLY BAD decisions that led to the death of another.  I think George would have been better served to do some time.  He could then say he paid for his bad decision making that ended in the death of another.  Trayvon is beyond answering for his bad decisions.  He paid the ultimate price.

I’m thinking about what a wonderful word “NO” is this morning.  It’s so versatile and can be used for almost anything.  In fact, I think it’s underutilized.  I wish, sometimes, that I could use it more often.

 

Like when I’m covering phones at work.  When I get a call from a panicked person who waited until the last minute to get the information they need to put in a bid on a project.  I would like to say “NO” to their request for assistance.  They should have asked sooner. 

 

I could easily be a “NO” Nazi if only I wouldn’t get fired for doing that.  I could be a No-Nazi. 

 

When Nike says to me “Just Do It” I would firmly say “No”.   Why?  “No”.  See?  That works beautifully!

 

When I’m having a pissy day and someone smiles at me and says “Have a great day!”  I would scowl at them and say “No”. 

 

It’s more poetic than “Piss Off” for instance.  Short, to the point and the very sound of it conveys the meaning.  Though piss kind of sounds like its meaning also.  I just realized that piss is a loaded word.  Think about it.

People don’t get all worked up about you being a potty mouth like they would if you said “Fuck you”.  If you say “No” they can’t accuse you of swearing at them, but you still get to refuse to cooperate with their stupid ideas.   

My boyfriend just used a fancy combo on facebook.  He said “Fuck No”.  I like that too.  It deepens the meaning but starts getting a little windy using 2 words like that.  Just sayin.

♫ No no no no, no no no no, no no no no no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no no no no no no no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no ♫ 

Use the melody from the old Meow Mix commercial for this lovely “No” tune!  This exercise will limber your tongue for many “No”s today.  Many.  Unless you’re in a really generous mood.  Or want to stay employed.  (Curse my need for money!)

 

Saying “No” is a skill we should develop.  Some folks are probably pros but some need work.  I found a blog  http://michaelhyatt.com/5-reasons-why-you-need-to-get-better-at-saying-no.html about 5 good reasons to say “No”.  Here they are if you're too lazy to read the article. 

If we don’t get better at saying “no,”

1.        Other peoples’ priorities will take precedence over ours.

2.        Mere acquaintances—people we barely know!—will crowd out time with family and close friends.

3.        We will not have the time we need for rest and recovery.

4.        We will end up frustrated and stressed.

5.        We won’t be able to say “yes” to the really important things.

It is so true!  Haven't you ever said “Yes” to something and then felt the inward cringe begin?  Plus, you sometimes have to turn down other things you would have preferred to do because you said “Yes” to something you didn’t want to do, because you didn’t want to make someone unhappy.  That’s the rub.  Saying “No” can make people unhappy with you.  But it can also simplify your life.  And sometimes that’s necessary.

 

The guy in the blog has made “No” his default answer instead of “Yes”.  He saves “Yes” for things that are really worth saying “Yes” to!  That thinking has merit.  I don’t know that I’m ready to go that far yet but it’s worth a ponder.

 

 

 

 

I'm going on a self date tonight!

I’m just throwing this out there in case there are any single women who read this blog who feel like they have to wait to have someone join them to go out for a fun evening.  Have a self date! 

This won’t work for everyone.  Like when my kids still lived at home I always had to drag them with on my self dates since they needed to be fed and would have a riot if I saw a movie without them.  But at this stage of the game, where my main companion is a geriatric dog with dementia, I can take myself out on self dates as often as I want!

I am in a long distance relationship.  Have been for years!  And it doesn't interfere with my dating life at all. Here are some good reasons to self date…

No scheduling issues whatsoever! 

This makes the “event” stress free or at the least low stress.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cancelled a self date because I was too lazy to get changed out of my saggy sweats so I could appear in public, or I’d had too many glasses of wine and shouldn’t go out anyway.  And my date didn’t get mad at me at all!  No hurt feelings to soothe!  So nice!

 

If you eat in, your house can be messy! 

For example, tonight I’m going to try a new coconut chicken recipe with a pineapple/sriracha salsa.  It sounds delicious!  But if it sucks, I don’t have to be embarrassed about it.  I can just eat a bowl of cereal and it’s all good!  My house is pretty cluttered, in fact my kitchen table is buried under papers and “stuff” and my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, but I’m not going to get all futzed up about it.  Who cares?  Not me!  And I will wash my dishes after I cook (maybe). 

No dressing up! 

You can go see whatever movie you want to see at whatever time works for you because hey, this is all about you! 
 

I should call it selfish dating instead of self dating.  Selfish dating is all about being your own bestie.  Showing yourself that you appreciate all the hard work that you do slaving to keep a roof over your own head!  (Or in my case struggling to stay awake at my desk some days and forcing myself not to feign illness so I can go home where I have a chance of doing something productive with my time – yeah, sometimes it’s slower than snail naps around here.)

Last time I took my grandkids to a movie with me I had one of them nudging me to let me know that her eyes were watering (it was a 3D movie and that can’t be watched without some issue apparently) or that her stomach wasn’t happy about her choice of snacks.  I’m just sitting there thinking “maybe I should have just taken myself to this movie so I wouldn’t have to worry about tummy troubles or watering eyes?”  Nah, I'll take them to a movie again, even if they are pesty, because they're just so darned cute!

When the date is over you can have a glass of wine or 3 and play World of Warcraft until the wee hours and laugh at how badly you type when under the influence…or you can listen to You Tube and post tons of songs that nobody else will listen to, on your Facebook page, and your friends might whisper to your kids, wondering if their Mom might be drunk?  It’s happened.  I know! 
 

If you’re feeling romantic you don’t even have to shave your legs to make that marginal effort!  <wink, wink>

 

While it’s not as much fun as “with company”…well hmmm, maybe sometimes it’s MORE fun than the company you’ve currently got going…it’s pretty much a sure thing you’ll be sleeping with a smile on your face by the time your selfish date night is over. 

 

Since I am one of those weird-zoids that has lively conversations with herself in her own head, pretty much constantly, I tend to be well entertained without a lot of external input.  Selfish dates are hassle free and guaranteed to be enjoyable for someone like me!  I wonder if they'd be enjoyable for the extrovert types?

I have no shame about bringing a good book to a restaurant and having a leisurely meal with my nose buried in it, except for being annoyed with the wait staff, who keep checking to see if I’m alright.  Yeah, and I was alright 5 minutes ago too!  Now where was I?

I’ll go to a movie and sit by myself without embarrassment.  My favorite is to sit on the aisle in the seat with a railing in front of it so I can prop my feet up during the movie or have quick access to the ladies room in case I drink too much soda during the movie.  No one to climb over.  And I get to sit in my favorite spot instead of where someone else is sure is the best view, often in the upper middle area.  I have my reasons.  I like aisles and room to stretch out! 

So don’t wait for one of those idiots on-line to ask you out!  Go out with your favorite person!  YOU!!  Cause you rock and I bet you’ll have a really great time with yourself if you just give yourself a chance! 

Tonight I’m baking myself that coconut chicken with pineapple salsa, then I’m going out to see the new Star Trek movie.  And knowing me, I’ll probably crash out pretty quickly by the time I get home because I’m a wuss and usually am really tired by Friday night but if not, I’ll be on World of Warcraft doing some bad typing if anyone cares to chat!  Now that’s a great night out for me! 

It would be better with Mr. Ken and knowing him he’d doze off DURING the movie since he’s been working harder than me all week, but since he’s 1200 miles away, this works.  We are such a wild couple.  Living la vida loca!  If I could only get him to play World of Warcraft!  (Like that’s gonna happen)    

Anyway, y’all have a great weekend!  And if you don’t have a date, date yourself and have a great time!  If you feel self conscious, DON’T!  I do this all the time and to my knowledge, nobody cares at all if they even bother to notice!

Things I suck at and the cayenne pepper cupcake mishap

Was just watching a Jenna Marbles vlog on You Tube and she was talking about things she sucks at and she inspired me!  Cause I suck at things too!

Bruiser wants me to chase him...what great timing!  Well I'll take a minute and do that...doesn't take much to wear him out!  Wait...while I typed this he forgot about chase and just laid down.  I love this old dog!

Started this entry this AM, was distracted by Bruiser, went cupcake shopping but now I'm back on point now...

I sometimes suck at staying focused.

I suck at dressing myself.

It's a problem.  Here are some samples.  One day, after I got to work I looked down and realized I was wearing 2 different shoes.  For real!!  I stayed at my desk A LOT that day!

I can't tell you how many times I get to work, have to use the restroom, look in the mirror and realize I have a stain on the front of my shirt or that I can see my black panties thru my light colored slacks.  Or that I realize how badly the color scheme I'm wearing clashes.

I am capable of dressing nicely, I just tend not to focus on it when I'm trying to get out the door in the AM and sometimes it ends up being embarrassing!  I've often thought I'd be a great candidate for that TV show "What Not to Wear".

I suck at dieting.

I promised myself I'd stop with the fat comments recently because I'm beginning to bore myself with them.  I figure if I don't like it I need to do something about it and stop running on about it.  BUT I do suck at dieting.  As soon as I think of dieting I want cake.  Or something decadent and fattening.  And I seem to be able to make myself behave for 2-3 days usually and then reward myself with something fattening and decadent.  And that's all I'm going to say about this.

AND WHY DOES BRUISER START WHINING AT ME EVERY DAMNED TIME I SIT DOWN TO BLOG???  I mean he was just napping.  I was watching You Tube and he was ignoring me.  Then I get busy typing and here he is...groaning and whining but does he want out?  No...who knows what the fuck he wants!!  Annoying.  JS

Ok, I just finished lunch and was all set to taste test my cayenne pepper cupcake from Nadia Cupcakes but thought I should take it into the kitchen for some better light so I could take a picture of it and post it here and make you all jealous.  Then I dropped it on the rug.  Yup.  Frosting side down, on the rug.

pitiful isn't it?

Dammit!

Anyway, back to things I suck at.

AFTER I get some honey mead because I deserve it because I dropped my cupcake on the rug.  I did taste a bit of the cake before I tossed it...not as good as the Mexican Hot Chocolate cupcake from Cupcake, but it did give some heat.  (If I was at the Renaissance Festival no one would think anything bad about me having honey mead right after lunch.  Think about that before you judge.)

Now, things I suck at...drinking honey mead apparently because I just breathed it down my wind pipe and am hacking up a lung.  This is a rough little patch here!

I suck at jogging.

The other day I felt inspired to jog again.  Then I got up to walk to the lady's room and my left knee was hurting and my right ankle didn't want to bend like it should and my back was aching.  So I started thinking that maybe instead I should go get some jogging clothes and then I could jog tomorrow because it was sort of warm to bundle up for jogging...like almost 40.  Still haven't gotten my jogging clothes.  Also my version of jogging is more of a zombie shuffle while my face turns red as a beet and I pant like I'm dying.  You can read about my last foray below.  Maybe I should get a bike?

http://gorvik.blogspot.com/2013_03_30_archive.html

Is that enough for you people?  Ok, here's some more!  

Sometimes I suck at baking.  BAD!  Hard to believe this, I know, but it's true!  

When I was a kid I tried to bake my grandma's red velvet cake.  Twice.  Because the first time it didn't rise and weighed a ton.  The second attempt didn't work any better.  So I tried to make the best of it and put them all together and frosted them and they looked really nice.  Until my Mom lifted the plate and was shocked at the impressive weight of the thing!  It didn't taste right either!  In fact it tasted really weird!  I have not attempted that recipe since.  It scares me.

And that other time where I offered to help a co-worker out by baking a pumpkin pie for him to take to a family/friend gathering for Thanksgiving.  And didn't realize that I hadn't added spices until we tried my pie at our family Turkey Day festivities.  Let's just say it was rather awful!  As in inedible.  I not only did I have to face my family with this awful pie I had to face my co-worker the following Monday when he wanted to know why I secretly hated him since I would send him to a gathering with an inedible pumpkin pie like that!  

Oh I just remembered Lacey's graduation cake!!  That was was an awesome blunder!  I baked her a lemon poke cake and poured lemon pudding all over it to soak into the holes.  Then I frosted it with a pretty yellow frosting and decorated it with lettering and a graduation cap all done in black icing.  Done freehand by yours truly!  Wrapped it up to take to the celebration.  Set up the taco bar, decorated, etc.  Then uncovered the cake.  The frosting had melted!  Because of the pudding layer, all the frosting was in a pool of yellow and black smeared frosting around the base of the cake!  It looked hideous!  We hid it back in the kitchen and a few of us ate it anyway and it was delicious.  It wasn't fit for human eyes but luckily the flavor redeemed it and we have a good memory out of the fiasco!

I suck at dog grooming.

My dog is partly to blame for this one.  When he was a pup I took him to several groomers and when I'd come to pick him up they'd tell me not to bring him back because he bites and they couldn't keep a muzzle on his apparently weird shaped jaws.  So I decided to learn to groom him myself.  I bought clippers and even got a video on how to do the job.  I watched intently.  It showed how you tie their leash up so that they stay put.  I was stoked to try this!  I tried it on Bruiser and he pretty much strangled himself.

They showed me a trick of how if you lift the back leg closest to you, you can buzz the hair on the inside of the far leg because they'd have to stand there since they only had one leg left to stand on.  Seemed pretty clever and I couldn't wait to try it!  

I lifted Bruiser's right leg.  He lifted his left leg leaving his rear end dangling by the leg I was holding in my hand.  There was no leg available for me to buzz.  

Not ONE of the tricks/techniques in that video worked because they weren't buzzing a Bruiser.  So now I get someone to hold him down and I buzz him down so short you can see the freckles on his skin.  He looks pretty stupid for a couple of weeks until it grows back in but that's what happens when you have an impossible pain in the ass for a dog and a poorly skilled dog groomer.

can you see his freckles?  

I think that's enough admissions for one day.  I hope you all feel better about yourselves.  I need to go do some laundry and be productive.  For a short while anyway.

I mostly plan to goof around with my brother and sister playing World of Warcraft in a while...that's the real truth.  I'm going to be a little productive but mostly this day is set aside to goof off with my siblings.  Who rock and who already know really well how bad I can suck at things!!  In fact, I'll probably suck at WoW with my mediocre boomkin but I love her and them and it'll be fun even so.  

Random thoughts on this boring day...

I don't have the patience to read long emails...especially if they don't have any humorous photos to look at.  I get bunches of emails every day and if they aren't work related, longer than 3 sentences, with no pictures, I tend to delete them.  I lack focus and patience.  I start reading them and my mind wanders over to my stapler and my paperclips and wondering what so and so is doing and I want a nutty bar and my pants feel tight and then I have to start over.  And mostly it's not worth it so I don't bother...I delete. 

I'm the same way with news articles.  If it doesn't grab me quickly, I'm on to the next distraction.  Books...another story.  I have forced myself thru a number of truly awful books because they were books and I kept hoping I'd get to the interesting part.  There have been a few that were too awful and I couldn't care enough to try.  But some of them...well let's just say they help bore me to sleep at night.  It's something! 

I'll insert some pictures to give you something interesting to look at if you choose to wade thru this latest blog installment.  I like pictures!

My back aches today.  Probably from FINISHING MY KITCHEN FLOORING PROJECT LAST NIGHT.  Yes, I finished it.  Except for 2 pieces of trim for doorways. 

I've noticed I have a number of strange compulsions when it comes to my floors.  When I was patching the cracked linoleum I found it hard to cut into the crappy flooring and remove the damaged part.  It created a weird sense of panic in me.  I apparently also find it weirdly difficult to drill into them.  Pierce the ugly linoleum?  Gasp!  I need to get past this hurdle.  I should do it tonight before I put away my miter box & drill. 

This is what it looked like after I cut out the cracked linoleum so I could patch it

Another one is rugs.  I've had such a shitty floor in that kitchen for pretty much the whole time I've lived there that I have had rugs in the kitchen for about 15 years to cover up the bad sections.  Yeah, it took me WAY too long to fix the flooring issues but I'll blame most of that the priority of spending money on raising my kids even tho they haven't lived at home with me for almost a couple years now.  So my newest compulsion is that I want to stand on a rug when I wash dishes.  I prefer it.  I have a beautiful new floor but didn't feel right last night until I put a rug down in front of the kitchen sink.  Now I don't mind standing there to do dishes.  Last night I walked all over on it with bare feet while I worked on finishing the trim, to make myself adjust.  Still ended up putting the rug down before I could feel at ease. 
 

This is what it looks like now...linoleum under patched and new flooring/trim!  And I put a rug over it so I can wash dishes, cause I'm a little bit weird.

Oh, and another thing...the other night, when I was almost done with the flooring I started obsessing about what would happen if the planks unlocked and came loose?  And what if I hadn't put enough gap on the ends and they all start buckling?  And will the oven melt the vinyl planks under it?  What if the oven wasn't level and my cakes all came out even more lopsided than they used to?  I fretted all night.  I told Ken.  Better to warn him about my "quirks" anyway...sooner rather than later.  He says my OCD issues are part of what makes me, me and he loves me.  At least he doesn't lie and tell me I'm totally normal.  That everybody does this crap!

I now know why my dog has OCD tendencies.  He gets it from me.  He's spent his entire life following me around, studying me, so he was bound to develop some issues.  The Dog Whisperer says they pick up on our energy.  My energy is apparently somewhat compulsive and neurotic.  And sometimes annoying based on his barking fest while I was soaking my sore back/muscles in a hot bath this morning.  Such a lovely serenade!  Not. 

Being a girl sucks.  Aunt Flo will be coming for a visit soon and I'm blowing up like a balloon right now.  My jeans are tight...even in the knees!  My bra feels tight.  My belly feels like it could pop. Muffin top!  (Rhymes - had to use spell check on that word...I struggle with that one) Luckily I'm not ravenous or fighting to control the wild beast that seems to be napping inside me at the moment.  It could be worse!  Like all of that could be going on at once...been there, done that...it wasn't pretty.  But I feel like a stuffed sausage.  Not good for self image at all!  Maybe I should think of myself as voluptuous?  I am.  In the busting out of your clothes kind of way.  Not in the hourglass way. 

And once AF finally arrives?  Potty breaks desperately needed every 5-10 minutes while off loading all the retained water.  Being a girls sucks.  Except at least we don't have dicks!  Can you imagine walking around packing the nards and stem in your pants ladies?  Where the hell does that all fit?  Does it chafe?  I should ask Ken that tonight if I remember.  I'll probably forget unless I write a note.  Too busying thinking and typing.

Oh, talking about that (bloating & swelling), I heard a talk on the radio about someone being all offended that some celebrity or something told a fat guy/gal oh....shit I don't remember.  But they said you're fat because you eat too much and are too lazy.  With some swear words.  And a bunch of fat people got offended.  "HOW DARE ANYONE SAY FAT PEOPLE EAT TOO MUCH AND DON'T EXERCISE ENOUGH!!"  Gasp.

I think they are a bunch of fucking idiots.  I'm fat.  At the moment anyway.  Probably for a long time because it's not like I can snap my fingers and get over it!  Anyway, I do this.  I LOVE to eat and I don't have great self-control and I'm rather lazy by nature so I get fat and then I have to fight to slim down.  It's more natural for me to be fat than slim.  And you know why?  Because I eat too much and I'm lazy!  You think this kitchen project is normal for me?  Holy crap NO!  That's why I have aching muscles from getting up and down off the floor.  Because I'm a marshmallow.  At least I own it!  I even have some shame over it but not enough to motivate my lazy butt out the door for regular exercise. 

BUT I don't expect the rest of the world to say it's a good thing/that it's great and I'm awesome because I'm fat because it isn't awesome to be fat.  Being fat doesn't feel good and it's not good for you. 

It's super easy to get that way (for me anyway) and super hard to undo it.  When I'm slim I think how I'll never let myself get fat again and then I get fat again.  Should people judge me because of it?  No.  I'm a great person, I'm smart, funny, spunky and I work hard when I work.  I play hard too when I get the chance.  I think I add value to the world.  Haters can piss off!  But I'm not going around being all offended because someone spoke the truth about me, even if it wasn't all that nice to say it out loud.  I agree!  I think most fat people are fat because they eat too much of the wrong things and they don't exercise enough.  I know there are always exceptions to the rule but I think this is true for most.  And when we diet, we don't want to give up the food we love or exercise more.  Takes effort and sacrifice and it's a long process so it's difficult to hang on to that motivation!  Like right now I want chocolate WAY more than the healthy apple I brought for my snack.  WAYYY more!!

I think people in this country really love to be offended.  And if they're offended they want laws enacted to make sure the offenders are punished, if they can pull it off, because they NEVER want to be offended again.  Sigh.  It makes me fucking tired. 

I'm really bored at work right now.  That's why I'm writing this.  Something to do to pass the time.  This is going to be a long week.  I'm in a lull this week and into early next week.  It will be torture!  If only I had vacation time to take!  Bleah! 

 

Oh, another random thought...I keep hearing how the Boston Marathon bombing has affected us all so much and I'm thinking "really?"  I mean, it's tragic and sickening but is it affecting my life at all really?  Nope.  I still pay my bills, go to work, get up , eat, sit down, drive around, feed the dog, etc.  Aside from being saddened I'm not affected.  Well maybe I was affected a bit the day after when the news media had had time to put a sound track to the tragedy and set up slow-mo pictures to help us understand how tragic it really is.  Because if it doesn't look like a movie we just might not understand that lives were lost and people were hurt and that people were all busy being heroic.  Our news media is so obnoxious.  I don't like that they put people's tragedies to music and spin it like a Lifetime movie of the week full of B/C listers.  Don't you get tired of the media treating us all like we're complete morons?  Pfft!

 

And another thing, since I'm doing an Andy Rooney impression here, don't you just love those "Stars who lost their looks" thingys?  Super obnoxious!  Gosh, even movie stars can't stay 20 years old forever!  Get the f over it!  This country is more obsessed with eternal youth than I am over my new kitchen floor! 

 

And now that I've devolved to Andy Rooney status I think this is a good time to stop.  Just stop.  Before I begin growing hair out of  my ears and my eyebrows begin to sprout faster than I can pluck them. 

 

 

 

When I googled Andy Rooney I got this in the picture group. 

 

She isn't Andy Rooney!  Sweet Dreams are made of these...



 

 

Facebook, the Serenity Prayer and a gratuitous picture of Bill Murray

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

It's very weird that I lead with this since I'm agnostic but frankly, it's just a fantastic way to think about the world that it has affected my life profoundly over the years!  I usually leave the "God" part out since it works that way also but this is it's original form and the way I was introduced to it all those years ago.

The first part about accepting the things I cannot change has been very helpful.  It has helped me to stop and think about various situations I've been in and look at the parts I have power over and the parts that are out of my hands.  It can be an enlightening process!

Facebook has been a place I've had to put this into use many a time.  Facebook reminds me why I preferred the company of dogs to people when I was a kid.  People are a HUGE pain in the ass!!!  (Myself included)  HUGE!!!  Did I say HUGE???  Oh yeah, I did.

When I first started FB I was so excited to reconnect with friends and family I hadn't heard from in years!  All of a sudden I had regular contact with these people and it was wonderful!  And then it started getting annoying.  The endless misspellings, the religious and political comments, the stupid comments, food pictures and running minute by minute updates of some people's days and the many, many TMI moments, OMG!!!  As a whole, people are emotionally exhausting and all I was doing is sitting there reading comments!  

And then the dreaded thing happened...someone kicked me from their friends list.  OUCH!!!  I felt so hurt!  I wondered what I had done to offend them? What was it about me that was so off putting that they felt the need to delete me as a friend??? It felt like back in grade school when I'd be the only one in class who didn't get invited to the birthday party of the girl across the street and then when I got invited later only to find out it was because my Mom shamed her Mom into inviting me.  (Really happened - let's just say it wasn't the funnest b-day party I ever went to!)  I started wondering if I really wanted to bother with this FB thing!

So I pondered and here's what I came up with.  #1 main reason I'm on FB is to connect with my family and close friends.  For that reason I will stay on FB until something better comes along.  #2 it's MY FB and I will post what I want, when I want and will be willing to live with the consequences for doing so aka losing friends.  #3 if anyone who doesn't know me well wants to be friends, great!  That's gravy!  Bonus!  I like it!  If they don't like my humor, commentary, etc and decide to unfriend me, great, because clearly we weren't going to be good friends anyway if they couldn't handle me on FB.  

Here's the thing.  I cannot please everyone.  I'm not even vaguely interested in trying.  So this is where we get back to the serenity prayer thingy...pleasing everyone, especially those who barely know me, is not possible.  It is something I need to let go of.  

And here's the next thing...courage to change the things I can.  I'm going amend that slightly...if I choose to.  Recently I had what I thought was a joking discussion with a classmate.  The next morning I discovered I'd been unfriended by said classmate.  I reread the discussion and thought he was being rather sensitive, but debated making an apology.  I didn't intend to hurt his feelings after all but holy crap I just didn't think anything all that bad was said!  Still don't.  So I pondered.  I thought what if I do message him and apologize for hurting his feelings, then what?  I risk him wanting to be friends again?  On the one hand I'd like to leave it on a positive note because he seems like a good guy.  On the other hand, do I really want to potentially invite him in again when we couldn't even joke around on that fairly lightweight level?  I decided to let his decision stand and not say anything.  He is a sensitive person.  Obviously not thick skinned enough to spar with me tho he seemed determined to do so.  I chose not to change this ending.  He can call this one.  I'll abide by it.   I wish him well but we obviously aren't going to be besties so it's ok to let that go.  

That probably wasn't the best example since I decided NOT to change something I could have.  In each situation there are bits that you can change if you choose to do so.  This brings up another one of my little mottos that I live by "just because you can, doesn't mean you should".  It's good to think things through, think about potential results and what your goals are.  

Because of this serenity prayer I've learned the value of defining what I have power over and what I don't and acting or not acting accordingly.  The core thing I've learned from that process is that the only person you truly have control over (sort of) is yourself.  I say sort of because even your body can betray you sometimes.  Little things called cancer, heart disease, Parkinsons and stuff like that come to mind.  But really you only have control over yourself.  

This leads to the ability to change others tho how they'll change will once again be out of your control.  When you change your behavior they tend to be forced to change theirs.  For example, say you are in an abusive relationship.  Your partner is very controlling.  You don't like it so you begin to take steps by refusing to cooperate with his controlling ways.  In this situation the decision to change yourself is far from without risk!  Odds are good your partner will be willing to go to extreme measures to regain control and his sense of security.  So by changing yourself and your behavior, you have now caused a chain reaction that can go badly or better.  That was an extreme example but having gone thru it myself I'm familiar with the potential fallout from deciding to change even yourself.  There is a price to be paid for everything.  Small or large decisions.  I ended up divorced but better.  I think he is better now too.  It wasn't fun but in the end it worked out for my situation.  

I try not to enter into relationships with the thought of changing anyone anymore.  Even on FB.  I think people have the right to be accepted for who they are, just as they are.  If I can't accept them then we can't be friends.  If they can't accept me, same.  We shouldn't have to BE anything other than what we are, no matter how annoying we are.  That said, if you're really annoying you'd best be willing to pay the price for it aka loneliness.  If you're OK with that then it's all good!  Because you are exactly who you are, you should be aware that not everyone will embrace that.  I've personally felt the sting of rejection many, many times...many.  Many.  (tiny violin playing here)  People don't have to like you and you can't make them like you unless you lie your ass off about who you are and eventually they WILL figure out that you're a fraud.  (out of your hands - re-read prayer above).  It is a dance and only you can decide your dance moves.  The true gains and losses are out of your hands.  

I hope I'm making sense.  This has been formulating in my head for a bit so I figured it was time to jot it down.  

And here is a picture of Bill Murray!

Gratuitous Bill Murray shot!

I jogged! First time in many years...

I'm slamming my 2nd Diet Mountain Dew of the morning, cause I'm healthy like that!  I just got back from a morning jog.  I wanted to write about it quickly while it is still all fresh in my mind.  I did some jogging years ago and stopped because I have shitty knees and after a while I was limping everywhere and feeling like my thigh bones was going to slip off and slide down to into my shins.  Why am I trying this again?  I'm a glutton for punishment is all I can come up with!

It was raining this AM when I woke up so I pretty much talked myself out of jogging.  I did my puzzles, I caught up on my You Tube subscriptions, I checked twitter and had a heart palpitation for a second because Tom Barnard of the KQRS show has begun following me and I suddenly felt like I should tweet something!  Then I got over it because he probably follows tons of people and wouldn't notice if I never tweeted anything.  Pressure came back off.

I realized I didn't hear the pitter pat of rain on the roof anymore so decided I would do my jog.  I do have some reasons for trying jogging.  #1 I'm fat and want to get in better shape.  #2 I want to find better ways to deal with the stresses in my life than eating them, which is what I've been doing.  #3 I figured it'd give me some blogging material.

I put on some sweats that I figured wouldn't fall down as I ran, layered up, slapped on a baseball cap and drove off to Loch Ness Park in hopes that no one would be there so I could do this thing without an audience.  It's one thing to tell you all about it but another thing to have people thinking I'm on the verge of a stroke as I "jog" by because I'm wheezing and panting so hard!

I got out and it was still spitting rain.  I have been out in worse so pfft, here I go!

see?  spit!

Got there and was REALLY disappointed to see other cars!  DAMMIT!!  SHIT!  I had my excuse to turn around and go home but decided to stop being a pussy and do this thing!  So I started jogging.  I did a shuffle kind of jog because I recently saw a Nike commercial with a fat kid jogging like that and he'd lost a bunch of weight.  Like 30 some pounds!  I admired him and it also looked like something I could tolerate longer than a full out run.  At first it seemed to be going pretty well but it didn't take long before I was taking some ridiculously big breaths!  That's what I get for nurturing my marshmallow lifestyle so long!

My jiggly bits didn't bounce as badly as I'd thought they would, which was gratifying.  I kind of thought "things" might throw me off balance with the love handles bouncing one way and the boobs bouncing another and the thighs doing their own things!  Then I hit my first water barrier.  This is the crap that happens when you jog during a spring melt after a thunderstorm.

I developed a plan where I'd jog until I hit these water barriers and then take a breathing break while I walked around them.  I also admired some pretty red branches...

So I got back to jogging...which in reality is a fast shuffle with arms held up to look like a jog.  I only passed one guy and his dog on my jog and said "morning" and went on my way...he didn't ask if I was dying.  Whew!

So I jogged and jogged.  (Actually, this path is maybe a mile but for a marshmallow like me it seemed pretty endless)  I was starting to really look forward to those water barriers!  About 2/3rds of the way around the lake I started feeling like throwing up.  I also saw my first 2 robins, but scared them so didn't get a picture.  Robins, YAY!  So I waited a bit and got my urge to barf under control.  Then on I went.  At this point I was starting to feel stubborn with myself.  I wanted to walk but kept telling myself how I came here to JOG not go for a walk so fucking JOG already!!  So I jogged.

My jogging style was devolving.  I went past an office building and if anyone had looked out they might have thought a zombie was trying to jog because things were getting a little disjointed and it was getting to be more of a staggering shuffle than a jog.

I could see my car in the distance so decided to push myself to actually lift my feet and do this!  Jog, Jog I told myself!  Jog to the car!  Lift those feet up!  PUSH PUSH!!  And then I saw the dog guy coming around and knew I had to get to my car before he intercepted me and saw my beet red face and heard my wheezing and gasping!  The zombie jog was on full force at that point...made it!

I jumped into my car as fast as I could...didn't bother to take my purse out of my trunk...I just wanted to get out of there.  And then the stench hit me.  I had sweated!  GROSS!  This is part of the reason I'm not a fan of the gym because I hate being sweaty unless it's for some good sex.  And good sex sweat seems to smell good to me whereas exercise sweat, not so much!

I did it!  I jogged!  Not well, not fast, not far but I freaking jogged for about a mile!!!  And now I get to shower this icky sweat off!!  I might even jog again...this didn't go as badly as I thought it would.

Me, post jog, unwashed, sweaty, no make-up, beet red face and feeling all proud of myself!

On the drive home my calves started twitching, my ears were aching from the cold, my lungs feel like they worked.  Walking up the stairs to my house I started wondering if I was in for a cramp fest?  But everything has settled down while I wrote this entry.  It's all good!  I survived!