Recently Ken & I have gotten inquiries as to when we're going to get married. This is a rather uncomfortable question for us as neither of us is particularly enamored with the idea of marriage but don't want to offend anyone by our lack of interest in that particular institution. I'm pondering if I should make a statement about it on facebook, to say it once and for all and exactly WHAT to say about it eludes me.
I'm one of those abnormal women who was born missing the "I need to get married" gene. Kinda surprising since I've been married twice! But neither marriage was for the usual reasons.
One was for money and timing - I felt it was time to have one more child before Lee got too much older. He had money, he asked and I was beyond tired of being on welfare and malnourished and constantly struggling to survive financially. I figured I could grow to love him like the old days. I justified my decision by looking to history when people got married to reinforce alliances, build power bases and for financial security. People could get married without love and it worked for them, so why not for me? Turned out that was a pretty stupid plan and I was filing for divorce after 4 months of marriage. I couldn't stand him and despite his protests to the contrary, he didn't seem to really like anything about me except my looks. On the flip side I managed to get pregnant with Lacey during that time so I have no regrets. I would do every bit of it again to get her. It's nice to not have regrets!
My second marriage was actually to a man I loved but it wasn't because I loved him. Or maybe it was in a way. His paperwork got messed up and he was looking at deportation. He would have lost everything he'd worked so hard for! Plus, at the time, I was not ready to say good-bye to him. I offered to marry him if he couldn't get the paperwork issues worked out. We ended up getting married. We stayed married for 7 years...much longer than I expected we would, but we were happy enough. In the end I forced some issues and we decided it was time to part ways. If he wouldn't have needed me to marry him, I wouldn't have ever considered it for the very reasons we ended up divorcing. I knew he wanted kids but I already had 3 and my tubes were tied and after some soul searching I had to finally admit I didn't want more - not even to keep him. I had a wonderful time with him and love him to this day so once again, no regrets. I hope he gets what he wants in life. I'm getting what I wanted and feel good about my decision.
I guess I've never gotten the attraction of the whole marriage thing. I know some women go gaga about the dress and I think it's about being the star of the whole production. I don't know why I couldn't care less about this. My sister used to talk about her dream wedding. I listened to at least one of my daughters do that also. My Mom has told me about her dream wedding! I've listened to other women plan and plot to get married. I've seen women end what I thought were perfectly good relationships, because their men didn't want to get married. It always made me feel a bit weird. I never thought of myself being married. I still don't. I'm just me, going thru my life on my terms.
I don't get the whole marriage thing. What is the big deal? Is it about trapping someone to stay with you even if you fall out of love or they do? That's not remotely appealing to me. Is it so the government can tax you at a higher rate by combining your income and putting more into the higher tax bracket? That's stupid. Do people really think that getting married is some magical rite that guarantees perpetual happiness? We all know how that goes 50% of the time, don't we?
I told Ken that maybe some day, when we're old and start thinking we might kick the bucket, then we might get married, IF there is still social security, so that if one of us dies it'll help the other pay the rent. Or if he can't get some damned health insurance we'll get married so we can get his knee fixed. I want him mobile so we can travel and have fun together! We might not stay married after his knee is fixed (taxes, you know) but that doesn't mean our relationship will end.
Our relationship will end when one or both of us decides we don't want to be in it anymore. That simple. We will work on it as needed. But if it turns into a black hole that we aren't happy in and don't see an end to, it's time to walk away. Life is too short to spend it unhappy!
I kinda hate making marriage vows because I don't like to lie. I've lied twice now. I promised to love til death do us part twice, to two different men. And I proved myself to be a liar. I would prefer not to lie again if I can avoid it. One of the best ways I know to avoid that is to avoid marriage. Marriage for social security when I'm old and I think we can manage to stay together til death do us part....that could work for me!
Maybe we can just get some health insurance for Ken so we don't have to be liars to get it. I hope so! I want his knee fixed!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
A moment of peace, babysitting, collections & billing and fun times in a plane
Deep breath...hold it...let it out slowly...ahhhhhhh
This has been a stressful week and today I'm finally ahead of most of it again and have a few moments to take stock. It's so nice right at this moment! Except for my back pain. Other than that it's really quite good.
The back pain is a worry. It's bad timing since this is my last big weekend babysitting Penelope. I'm going to have to be very careful and avoid lifting her as much as possible this weekend - should be interesting! Her Mom gave her 2 weeks notice so life dynamics will be changing. I have really enjoyed all of this regular one on one time with Penelope over the past 2+ years of her life. I have often had her for the weekend while her parents were working. It's been so good for me to get all the snuggles and cuddles and to watch her grow. We have a great connection and I have so enjoyed having her all to myself so we could forge our own separate relationship, away from her Mom & Dad. Her parents are awesome but I like having my own thing with my grandkids :)
I know I'll continue to babysit on occassion and it'll be nice to have more free time for myself but at the same time I value what has been. Penelope is a fantastic kid! She's unique, funny, flirty, sassy and extremely lovable with one of the best belly laughs I have ever heard! Sitting in my recliner, snuggling with her to read or watch TV or so she can play with the fringes on my lamp, is my soulfood. I plan to savor this weekend fully, despite the back problem! If lifting is too big of a problem we may just have a sleep over together on the airbed in the living room. That could be fun and no lifting her in or out of bed!
Work has been stressful this month. I will be headed to ND to help my Mom after her hip replacement surgery the end of the month so will have less days available for work. I've been pushing thru on billing while my boss has been pushing to get some past due invoices resolved. My priorities and his have differed. I managed to ignore his as much as possible because I'd rather bill something I can actually get paid for on a timely basis, instead of revisiting old issues that keep getting kicked back to me for months on end as I struggle to resolve the problems with the client. He wants cash flow and that's what I'm trying to give him. Eventually we will get paid for that old stuff because hey, no matter how much the client shuffles they owe us that money per contract and they WILL pay! I'm not giving up on it. But since I've been doing the dance since Oct and they kicked a bunch back to me yet again I figure my odds are better getting paid from new work than that old stuff as far as promptness goes. Did that make sense? It did to me so whatever.
The next idea my boss came up with was for me to go meet with the client to get these past due issues resolved. That made my stomach sink. I don't really have time to make a trip to AR in the next couple of weeks +. I'm booked! Plus I don't want to go. But per his request I asked the client for a meeting. I strongly suspect they gave me the run around when they said they've passed my request along to the powers that be to decide and could I still please try to get these invoices resolved with them? The good news is suddenly they are beginning to understand how to fix these issues that I've been trying to get them to fix since Oct. I guess the threat of a visit from me is enough motivation? Whatever works!
If I can avoid having to make that trip I'll be thrilled to bitty pieces! I'd find it rather intimidating to go to that particular client's HQ anyway. I'd feel like an ant approaching an established giant termite hill. And this client is the reason I have a job. I also don't feel like messing around with airports, car rentals and hotels any more than necessary in life. If I can avoid it, I prefer to! I very much prefer to do that for fun, like site seeing and vacations, rather than work!
I told my Mom that last night and she seemed to think I was being silly. But she didn't go thru some of my nightmare trips where flights were missed because it rained and everyone turned into retards on the drive down, I got lost finding the airport to come back and then finding where to return the car and then which terminal to go to - running too and fro dragging my crap around and stressing that I'll be trapped in that airport indefinitely if I don't figure it out! That was actually just one trip to Dallas/Ft Worth, not "some".
I shouldn't be such a baby because most of the time it goes like clock work. Well, except that flight out of Chicago that felt like the plane was falling apart because the landing gear made so much racket as it curled up into the plane. I thought we were going to fall into the lake! And upon landing the power went out so we all got to sit there in the dark while they figured it out. Glad that didn't happen until AFTER we landed!
Or maybe that hop between SLC & MN where I was sandwiched between 2 giants and couldn't lean back in my seat because their shoulders were too big and I couldn't breath or even fit. So I spent that whole flight leaning forward in my seat and getting back cramps.
Or that flight into Minot where the pilot felt compelled to gently rock the plane back and forth, back and forth, for no apparent reason, until I felt like I was going to throw up? I had to sit for a while in the airport, not moving, before I could even consider getting into a car to drive to Rugby without wanting to throw up.
Or that flight, don't even remember where, probably TX again, where the gal sitting next to me threw up in her lap and splashed a little ever so gently on my lap too? Nice of her to share.
Nah, I'm just a wuss because I'm not that crazed about giving the airline industry even more chances to make my life more "fun".
This has been a stressful week and today I'm finally ahead of most of it again and have a few moments to take stock. It's so nice right at this moment! Except for my back pain. Other than that it's really quite good.
The back pain is a worry. It's bad timing since this is my last big weekend babysitting Penelope. I'm going to have to be very careful and avoid lifting her as much as possible this weekend - should be interesting! Her Mom gave her 2 weeks notice so life dynamics will be changing. I have really enjoyed all of this regular one on one time with Penelope over the past 2+ years of her life. I have often had her for the weekend while her parents were working. It's been so good for me to get all the snuggles and cuddles and to watch her grow. We have a great connection and I have so enjoyed having her all to myself so we could forge our own separate relationship, away from her Mom & Dad. Her parents are awesome but I like having my own thing with my grandkids :)
I know I'll continue to babysit on occassion and it'll be nice to have more free time for myself but at the same time I value what has been. Penelope is a fantastic kid! She's unique, funny, flirty, sassy and extremely lovable with one of the best belly laughs I have ever heard! Sitting in my recliner, snuggling with her to read or watch TV or so she can play with the fringes on my lamp, is my soulfood. I plan to savor this weekend fully, despite the back problem! If lifting is too big of a problem we may just have a sleep over together on the airbed in the living room. That could be fun and no lifting her in or out of bed!
Work has been stressful this month. I will be headed to ND to help my Mom after her hip replacement surgery the end of the month so will have less days available for work. I've been pushing thru on billing while my boss has been pushing to get some past due invoices resolved. My priorities and his have differed. I managed to ignore his as much as possible because I'd rather bill something I can actually get paid for on a timely basis, instead of revisiting old issues that keep getting kicked back to me for months on end as I struggle to resolve the problems with the client. He wants cash flow and that's what I'm trying to give him. Eventually we will get paid for that old stuff because hey, no matter how much the client shuffles they owe us that money per contract and they WILL pay! I'm not giving up on it. But since I've been doing the dance since Oct and they kicked a bunch back to me yet again I figure my odds are better getting paid from new work than that old stuff as far as promptness goes. Did that make sense? It did to me so whatever.
The next idea my boss came up with was for me to go meet with the client to get these past due issues resolved. That made my stomach sink. I don't really have time to make a trip to AR in the next couple of weeks +. I'm booked! Plus I don't want to go. But per his request I asked the client for a meeting. I strongly suspect they gave me the run around when they said they've passed my request along to the powers that be to decide and could I still please try to get these invoices resolved with them? The good news is suddenly they are beginning to understand how to fix these issues that I've been trying to get them to fix since Oct. I guess the threat of a visit from me is enough motivation? Whatever works!
If I can avoid having to make that trip I'll be thrilled to bitty pieces! I'd find it rather intimidating to go to that particular client's HQ anyway. I'd feel like an ant approaching an established giant termite hill. And this client is the reason I have a job. I also don't feel like messing around with airports, car rentals and hotels any more than necessary in life. If I can avoid it, I prefer to! I very much prefer to do that for fun, like site seeing and vacations, rather than work!
I told my Mom that last night and she seemed to think I was being silly. But she didn't go thru some of my nightmare trips where flights were missed because it rained and everyone turned into retards on the drive down, I got lost finding the airport to come back and then finding where to return the car and then which terminal to go to - running too and fro dragging my crap around and stressing that I'll be trapped in that airport indefinitely if I don't figure it out! That was actually just one trip to Dallas/Ft Worth, not "some".
I shouldn't be such a baby because most of the time it goes like clock work. Well, except that flight out of Chicago that felt like the plane was falling apart because the landing gear made so much racket as it curled up into the plane. I thought we were going to fall into the lake! And upon landing the power went out so we all got to sit there in the dark while they figured it out. Glad that didn't happen until AFTER we landed!
Or maybe that hop between SLC & MN where I was sandwiched between 2 giants and couldn't lean back in my seat because their shoulders were too big and I couldn't breath or even fit. So I spent that whole flight leaning forward in my seat and getting back cramps.
Or that flight into Minot where the pilot felt compelled to gently rock the plane back and forth, back and forth, for no apparent reason, until I felt like I was going to throw up? I had to sit for a while in the airport, not moving, before I could even consider getting into a car to drive to Rugby without wanting to throw up.
Or that flight, don't even remember where, probably TX again, where the gal sitting next to me threw up in her lap and splashed a little ever so gently on my lap too? Nice of her to share.
Nah, I'm just a wuss because I'm not that crazed about giving the airline industry even more chances to make my life more "fun".
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