I just read my daughter's most recent blog posting about how rude people can be, even inadvertently, to special needs children and their parents. And I felt ashamed because I've been trying to convince her that she's being too hyper-sensitive and has to be imagining it. It can't be that bad right?
I wish it wasn't. I really do! But I realized, by reading her blog and then thinking back to some of my own experiences with Penelope out in public, that I've become very practiced at ignoring people over the years. I've had years to develop a reasonably thick skin myself, because of my own weirdness and have become highly skilled at ignoring people who don't matter to me in my life. Because they don't. And that means I purposely ignore most people. This allows me to imagine that the world is a kinder place than it truly is. And I think people suck more than many others so that's even sadder than it sounds! But even as cynical as I can be, I'm still deluding myself about the people I co-habitate this planet with.
Based on my own insides, I think the main reason people act badly is that they don't know how to act when anything unusual comes across their paths. I make a point not to stare at people. I make a smile and try to convey kindness when I make eye contact. I try to treat them like I would anyone else. Unless they appear to be having trouble of some sort. I'll help short ladies get packages off high shelves in grocery stores so that is also like what I would do for anyone. I try to put myself in their shoes and think that I would prefer to go about my business without being stared at or having people leap to my aid or make a special fuss over me. Mostly I think most people are "rude" because they lack empathy. Not because they intend to be unkind. Or maybe that's me being delusional again?
There are some who are so self centered they are rude for their own entertainment. I think of them as sociopaths. They are incapable of real feelings as most human beings experience them. Empathy is outside their capabilities. They don't understand...they are incapable. I went to school with some of these people. Mean Girls (kind of like the movie - they seemed to run in packs) who seemed to find grand entertainment in belittling and tormenting their less socially accepted classmates.
I was an outsider in school so I had sympathy for these targets. I was a weird kid. I got that. I wasn't much of a target. Possibly because I'm tall and solid compared to many females. Not your typical weaker target in the physical sense. I was a tom boy. I'm weirdly strong. Once a co-worker figured that out he got me into arm wrestling and I even won and made a little money doing it! I could beat my male co-workers in an arm wrestling match. That drove them bat shit! I'm really not a girly girl. Except I do love pretty shoes! I would occasionally (rarely) defend some of those targets too if what was going on just seemed too cruel. I had my own issues and wasn't up to doing much! I'm not much of an orator when I'm angry so I think I shocked the tormentors more by the fact that I'd stand up to them, than by anything I actually managed to spit out.
And even with this understanding I've been more than willing to be snobby and bitchy about others that have "defects" I don't care for.
I used to be something of a "man hater" back in my 20's. Blaming them for everything bad in my life. It was so easy! Let's say my main male role models didn't win any awards. The females in my life were very dominant. Men aren't trained from birth to be in touch with their feelings and can fumble around astronomically trying to figure it out. I realized, finally, that they had feelings too! They wanted love and comfort and security too. When I gave birth to my son I decided it was time to take a hard look at myself. I had a man to raise and I wanted to do a good job. Which meant I needed to do a major paradigm shift! I needed to own my own problems and poor decision making abilities. Not their fault! I found out I tended to do better when I wasn't in a relationship and didn't have anyone to blame my troubles on except for myself. (Hmmmm starting to have some sympathy for Ken in the future...)
I was jealous of the rich and decided they were all lazy and selfish and unworthy of my friendship. I suffered! I understood how to survive! They were clueless wastes of skin. I have been such a HUGE pain in the ass in some ways!! Now I have known some rich folk. Some of them are very generous, wonderful caring people! And I used to write them off as a group. Lame of me.
I can be a snob about liberals. When I was dating that was one of the deal breakers...I didn't date Democrats. Flat out. There are enough things to argue about in the world. I figured I could easily avoid that by not dating any. Luckily Ken shares my viewpoints to no fights over that! But there is a purpose to both sides. I get enough attitude from the other side that I don't waste much time feeling bad about being snobby sometimes tho.
I'm a snob about religious people. Seems like there is a cliche for everything! They can talk you in mad circles with those cliches, all with a sainted smile on their faced. Once again, not a particularly appealing attitude. But frankly religion makes me tired so I avoid discussing it. It's pointless. Plus I don't have any interest in converting anyone to being agnostic and prefer it if they don't try to convert me back to being christian. Won't work. Like I said, pointless.
I think getting married is a stupid thing to do. Like making it legal means your relationship will last? Really?? I think gays are being idiots because they had the proverbial get out of jail free card on this point and they're blowing it! If they want to be that stupid, it's their prerogative! I doubt I will ever marry again, unless some financial advisor convinces Ken and I that it's in our best financial interests to do so. I can spend the rest of my life with him without making it legal and be quite content!
I'm getting off point here. Or maybe I'm right on point? I sit and think how I'm better than those folks who left the playground after Penelope and I showed up, because I don't stare at people who have disabilities. I don't make snarky comments about little kids/adults with various issues. I try to treat them with kindness and respect. But look out for the folks who don't think about the world like I do! Though to be fair to myself, I may think these things but I also treat those folks with respect for their right to think differently than me. I don't make a habit of insulting them and their beliefs. I sometimes try to make an attempt to meet in the middle somewhere. I'm an American. I believe in the right to think about the world differently. It's one thing this nation was based on. I believe in that to the core of my being. It's part of my nationality.
Back to the delusions...I think we probably all do this. Because facing the reality of how badly people act is just too awful! Thinking about what we ourselves do, in the harsh light of reality, is too painful to accept. It's easier to do like I do, ignore it, push it aside, rationalize it away. To feel superior for the things you do right and rationalize what you do wrong. It's part of being human. We are all slaves to our primal Id, that snarling animal that lurks in us all. Thankfully our Ego can fight it down and win, hopefully more often than not! It's what keeps our civilization as civil as it is.
I worry about my granddaughter. She's too little to understand that people are being rude about her because she looks/acts a little different than your typical kid. But that is a temporary condition. She will mature. But many of her issues will be outgrown also, though probably not fast enough for her to avoid having to deal with the pain of people staring and acting like tards. If people could just treat each other with some kindness and basic respect it would make such a vast difference in the world!! But believing that that is possible is just another delusion.
