I will never be a fashionista. I can live with that!

I love clothes!  In fact, I'm planning on shopping for some today.  I'm not super happy about it though.  It's because one of my favorite shirts is finally dying and I need to find a replacement.  Or two.

I will never be a fashionista.

I love my clothes to death.  At least my favorites.  The others...meh.  For example, I recently decided it was time to replace my "pajamas".  I say "pajamas" because it's actually an old swimsuit pullover probably from the late 80's.  It's an oversized black shirt that hangs off the shoulder, Flashdance style.  Some of you will get what that means.  Anyway, it's extremely comfy for sleeping in and doesn't restrict my movements in anyway!

It's hit a new level of being threadbare...

I see the light!!!

I'm rather amazed it hasn't fallen apart yet!  I bought 2 actual pajamas to replace this.  One was a tshirt/pants set and the other a silky gown.  Silky gown works well but the cotton pj pants are freaking annoying!  They catch on my sheets and create issues with my tossing and turning!  I've worn them once.  They may never be worn again.

I was going to throw out my old jammies but never got around to it.  Guess who keeps wearing the old jammies every night still?  Well, it isn't Ken.

Today is hopefully the day I find a shirt to replace my beloved blue lace shirt.

I love the neckline!

This shirt is one of my favorites!  It's nothing special really but I like the color and the neckline.  It's comfortable and doesn't cling to my middle.  That is a bonus!  It used to be bright aqua blue but now it's faded.  It has sprouted a tiny hole in the fabric on the tummy.  I'm so sad!  It's wearing out!  Noooooo!!!

The other day I went to Walmart and Target to try to find something similar.  I found a bunch of pretty shirts but tried them on and discovered that they were almost all fabrics that clung.  Sorry guys but until I get my gut back under control I'm not remotely interested in flaunting it!  And another thing! Just because I don't want clingy clothes doesn't mean I want to wear tents.  Hear me?  I DON'T WANT TO WEAR TENTS.  There can be a happy medium.  Not at Target or Walmart but it exists.  Target and Walmart don't get that about bigger women.  You have to go elsewhere to get more tailored items.  Not that my beloved blue shirt is tailored.  But it works.  It's the right fabric and cut.  It has worked thru slim and not so slim times.  It's my kind of shirt!  The next shirt has some big shoes to fill!

Speaking of shoes...that's another area where I love things to death.  I have annual favorites.  Every spring I buy some canvas tennis shoes and cheapy flip flops and wear them to death.  

 I still have the laces in these.  Soon those will go because who has time to tie shoelaces?

I am thinking I need some flip flops with low heels on them this summer.  I'll have to keep an eye out for them when I'm out shopping today.

I have a pair of low heeled pumps I need to replace sooner rather than later.  I love my pumps!  I've loved them to death!  Whenever I shop for another pair I want the exact same shoes.  I haven't found them yet.  I probably never will.  I'm going to mourn these.  I should probably quit wearing them.  They are semi-retired now but linger on.

I adore these shoes!!

I have a couple of other favorites I'll mention.  First up is my bathrobe.  I got the thing for $5 at a Goodwill store years ago when I was shopping for a Halloween Costume.  It's a man's robe.  Pierre Cardin label.  Heavy terry cloth in dark blue.  It's like a coat.  A long snuggly coat!  I LOVE the thing!  It has lasted years now and shows no sign of an end in sight.  Nothing pretty or feminine about it but I love the thing.  I hope it lasts forever!

Last but sooooo not least, is my sweater.  I don't remember when I got the sweater.  I've had it for many years.  It is the pinnacle of comfort for me.  It's part of my after work uniform all winter, every winter or on a cool night even in the summer.  Every now and then I catch Lacey wearing it.  She gets the allure.  There's just something about a sweater that has loosened up to the point where it doesn't restrict and only warms you.  My mother understands also.  It was dying a couple years ago and I was grieving it.  She took it home with her and sewed up the holes and put it to rights so it can last longer.  She mailed it back to me like a treasured object.  The fact that my mother understood the value of this old raggedy sweater and put her time and love into it makes it ever more of a comfort and more important to me than it was before!  Most folks wouldn't understand.  They'd just see a snagged up raggedy sweater.  I see comfort and love and am always glad to put it on.

my snagged up, beloved raggedy sweater

Mom sewed this pocket up

She sewed this elbow up too - my granddaughter Penelope loves to pull on the snaggle strings

I love clothes.  I love clothes that make me feel comfortable and warm and loved.  I love happy colors and the occasional girly detail.  I love clothes that I feel good wearing but don't distract me and help me do whatever I want to do in comfort.

I will never be a fashionista.  

I can live with that!

Stairs, pasta knees and stupidmares

I just did the stairs again. 

I did them yesterday in a moment of inspiration about how good it would be for me and since they were right by the ladies room, why the heck not?

I clambered up them quite easily. 

I was panting a bit after that but not too bad.  Went back to work at my desk, feeling good about getting a quick bit of exercise. 

Later I had to get up to make a copy and discovered that my knees were a lot like cooked pasta.  I had to move somewhat slowly to avoid the embarrassment of staggering.  My knees stayed like cooked pasta for most of the afternoon.  I went for a mall walk after work to try to work them out and get them back to normal.  Mission was pretty well accomplished by the time I got home last night.

This morning I woke up to aching calves.  Every time I need to stand up and walk I suppress a groan of discomfort.  So I figured, since I was already sore, why not compound that by giving myself pasta knees again? 

So off I gimped to the stairs.  And up the stairs I went!  By the 4^th floor my speed was ok but I was starting to pant.  By the 5^th floor I was moving rather slowly. 

Then I turned around to go back down.  This is the harder part for me.  My knees have never been great for going down stairs.  I screwed them up with torn ligaments back in middle school and they never totally recovered.  I cautiously went back down the stairs, gripping the rail just in case. 

As I went I was praying no one else would come into the stairwell because the echo effect of my heavy breathing might scare them.  Luckily no one else joined me. 

Whew! 

Now I want to tell you about my night last night!

I watched Vikings on the History Channel.  I was horrified by an execution and deeply regretted watching that before bed time.  I’ll admit I spent part of that show with my eyes squeezed shut, peeking to see if it was over yet.  And yet I watched.  I saw too much. 

At least I didn’t have nightmares.  Instead I had stupidmares! 

I dreamt that Ben and I and Ralph Fiennes were walking down a gravel road…it was like historical.  Like I was back in the 20’s or something.  Don’t ask me why I think that.  It just felt that way. 

Ralph stayed behind at some place where he found some old machine that he thought was special.  It looked like an inanimate R2D2 to me but he was terribly excited about it.  Ben & I went on to this “hotel” that looked more like an unpainted prop shanty out of an old western, to wait for Ralph to catch up with us. 

Ben and I started doing shots of whiskey.  I spent most of my time trying to make sure our shot glasses were even.  For some reason it was difficult to do.  I also remember thinking it was probably a bad idea to do whiskey shots first thing in the morning. 

Occasionally my mind would pan back to Ralph Fiennes as he fixed up his stupid machine, cleaning, painting it and putting fresh decals on it and such and looking up to the heavens and laughing with joy.  He was seriously over-emoting.   

Oh, on a side note the “hotel” was supposedly haunted though none of us saw any reason to know that but there it is. 

At least I didn’t dream of hideous executions.  That’s something! 

I was honestly a little bit sad when I woke up this morning.  I kind of liked that dream.

 

More snow, I miss Rusty and drive carefully!

Ok, I'm tired and should be going to bed right now but my mind is busy, busy so going to write a little quick.  Not about much...just that it's going to snow a bunch again in the next day or so.  Starts tomorrow I believe.  I tell myself it's not a big deal because it's going to melt this weekend.

probably what my commute will look like, only not as neat and tidy

Oh the lies I tell myself sometimes!!!

It's fucking depressing.

Sigh.

At least I didn't put away my shovel yet.  Or my boots.  And my salt damaged leather gloves can have another go before they are permanently retired.  Hopefully my back will hold out.

I hope this is the last one for the season.

On another note I listened to Tom Barnard's podcast with Rusty Gatenby.  I've missed that ginger on Channel 5!  I don't watch them much anymore.  I think Channel 5 overreacted.  My opinion.  Plus now it's just another boring TV channel.  I watched 5 because of Patrick and Rusty.  Now they are both gone and I'm left with the typical blah, blah, blah talking heads.  No longer matters which channel I get morning news from.  None of them have any personality.  Also my opinion.

I'm not ok with drunk driving.  It's horribly dangerous and I'm glad he didn't hurt anyone or get himself hurt by doing it.

It's a tough one.  I feel for the guy.  His life got blown up because of this bad judgment call.  I'm glad no one else's life got blown up over it.  We have seen the results of this kind of thing and they don't always turn out relatively harmless.  It's fucking serious people!!!  DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

EVER!!!!!!

DON'T DO IT!!!

It can ruin your life.  It can ruin other lives.  Hopefully, as in Rusty's case, only temporarily and he'll never do anything so stupid again, but sometimes you're done.  Fin.  Kapoot.

Ever have a moment where you realize you're going to have to die?  I have them once in a while.  Shove them back down as quick as possible!  I mean, we all know we have to but it sucks to dwell on it and won't improve quality of life to do so.  Well, keep it in mind as the weather goes to shit again for the next couple of days.  Let's not rush to meet the reaper.

Drive careful ok?

Here's a gratuitous pic of Bill Murray just for the hell of it.

Boredom and ME ME and a little more ME...cause ME...cause bored. Yup.

Last month was an uninspiring month. 

I am a lazy writer and typically wait for a post to start processing in my brain before I write it down.  Don’t know if my brain was on autopilot all month or what but nothing inspired me to write a blog post. 

My inspiration today is sheer, utter, desperate boredom.

I could never be the writer of much beyond the occasional blog post because I’m not disciplined enough.  At 50 years of age, doubt I will gain any extra discipline during the downhill slide. 

Today I’m uninspired.  I’m writing because it’s slow at work and I’m desperate for something to do to pass some time so I can keep bringing home the bacon.  I am salaried only if I work OT.  If I work less than 40/week I’m hourly.  They call me salaried but nah…I don’t think it really counts.  I’m actually hourly, not to exceed.  That’s what it is.  Not salary…HNTE. 

I make a decent living so can’t complain too much.  I can pay my bills, put tons of money into my money pit of a house and still take an occasional trip to visit my boyfriend in UT.  I’m living large! 

Sorry for the sarcasm there.  It leaks out sometimes. 

I’ve lived worse.  I’ve used to have to choose between cigarettes and a jug of milk back in the day.  Guess which won? 

I hate being bored.

I took a test to find out what my personality is.  Because I don’t know.  Well, because I’m bored really.  I know. 

My Personality Type is “THE DESIGNER”

Whoa!  (upon reading further I realize I don’t really get why I’m called a designer…)

• Designers are emotionally reactive, which means that they experience their emotions strongly and can be very passionate, however they also have a higher tendency to experience emotions such as anxiety, anger and depression. Due to their independence and reserve, sometimes the Designer can be perceived as arrogant or unfriendly, however this is merely because they don't require the same level of social stimulation or interaction that others may seek. The Designer enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy, they are mostly aware of and in touch with their emotions. Being open-minded to new and unusual ideas helps them to interact with the world. With a healthy skepticism of the motives of others, and a belief in justice and being self made, sometimes the Designer can come across as guarded or intimidating. However the Designer has a refreshing impulsiveness about them, they tend to dislike too many rules and regulations and can be casual and whimsical.

I do think the description is a decent fit despite the stupid name. 

• You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions.

This is pretty accurate also.  I am usually calm and reasonably happy.  I agree with that. This also explains my weight problem. 

• People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You are likely to take risks and seek thrills. You have a generally cheerful disposition.
• Often you find the real world is too plain and ordinary for your liking, and you use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world for yourself. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. You are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. You find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity.

I wonder how many people will wade thru this to this point?  If you know me well you already know most of this stuff.  Maybe.  Sometimes I’m surprised by what people think about me.  When they actually tell me.  I don’t go around asking.  Usually.  Unless something is really bothering me and I am curious to know how I come across.  I know I’m not easy for some people to take.  I’m not everyone’s cup o’ tea! 

• You mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You will help others if they are in need. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgements based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

They misspelled judgments.  That’s annoying.  If you’re going to put yourself out there as some sort of personality expert, learn how to spell!

They didn’t catch that I’m the spelling police.  I am.  Even on myself.