Fixations and obsessions but not OCD

I was just reading a blog "Single Dad Laughing" where the author lets people post things about themselves and then he puts it into a post.  http://www.danoah.com/2014/01/50-more-weird-confessions-4.html

I realize that I’m not nearly as crazy as some people are!  WOO HOO!!!

Kind of a relief as I’ve been wondering if I should get some counseling lately. 

Guess I’m not ready to completely toss that possibility out the window just yet but now I feel much less concerned about my periods of fixating, obsessing and freaking out over certain key items.  Like my car.  And my kitchen floor.  I have to work really hard to logic myself out of stress balls over those things sometimes.  And weirdly those are the main 2 things I fixate on. 

The car thing has been calm lately since my big, expensive repair, since it stopped the stuttering crap but next time I plan a road trip it’ll probably kick into high gear again.  I wasn't always like this.  Years ago I’d climb in my piece of crap cars with my kids and head for the hills without worrying about it.  I had several break-downs doing that.  I suppose most have?  Anyway, now I talk myself out of most road trips because I don’t want to stress about the possibility of my car breaking down.  The only way out of that would be to have a brand new car under warranty.  Can't afford one so that's not an option.  So I have to fight with myself every time I plan a road trip.  It gets mentally exhausting dealing with myself sometimes.  And I annoy others with it while I fret also. 

My kitchen floor triggers me too.  The ridge in the floor that caused the original crack in the linoleum is still there.  Despite my repairs and new flooring, I tip toe around it.  I had to put at least 1 rug over it and I want to put more down but am resisting the urge.  Lacey thinks I’m nuts.  She doesn’t see the ridge.  I see where the new flooring is separating.  (Click vinyl flooring) I feel urgency to sell the house before the flooring goes to hell again.  Even with my pretty new floor, which I thought would solve this problem, I can’t leave it alone. 

I logic it away.  If the floor does break down it’s a weekend of work taking the floor apart and repairing it, plus a box of flooring for extra parts so probably less than $100 cash outlay.  Really the least of my worries. 

But when people stand or sit over/on the ridge I can’t stop thinking about it.  They will be talking to me and I'm distracted because they are standing on/near "THE RIDGE".  And I want them to move but don't want to reveal my craziness so I shut up and then think "what were they just talking about?"    Sometimes I don't even want to come home because of it.  Wow!  I just admitted that! 

GET AWAY FROM THE RIDGE!!!

Sometimes I fight back by making myself step on it.  Yeah, I am kind of weird. 

It feels like some weird mental illness.  But it’s not OCD.  I have no counting compulsions.  I don’t feel like the world will end or something terrible will happen.  I’m just totally freaking weird about my kitchen floor and it’s part of the reason I hate staying in the house longer.  And I am now paranoid as hell about taking road trips.  To the point where I rarely visit my Mother and brother back in ND anymore. 

true picture of North Dakota landscape (I'm a liar)

I am tabling my plan to put the house on the market for a while.  Some things need to be sorted out as far as Penelope's welfare first.  She needs a stable environment and her mom's attention since she still doesn't speak and can not be put into a regular daycare as she has no way of defending herself or expressing her thoughts about what's going and how it affects her.  It would be detrimental to Penelope for her mom to work full-time job to support her.  While all kids need their moms, Penelope REALLY needs her mom's focus right now.  Having a special needs child in the family ratchets up some things...there's a reason they call them special needs...lots of extras needed to help them reach their potential!  Extra considerations have to be taken for their welfare. 

I'm going to have to deal with this bit of weirdness I have going on. 

That's why I'm considering counseling.  One of the reasons.  There are a lot of stressors on me at the moment.  Seems weird considering how rather boring my day to day life is but there are goals to be reached and finances required to hit those goals.  Debt has been incurred while pay was cut and it needs to be paid down.  

There are certain problem people that need to be dealt with or I need to find a new job. 

Staying here is good and bad for me.  Leaving is good and bad for me.  Both have some high emotional cost and losses.  I will be paying regardless. 

Really, my fixating thingy is probably the least of my worries. 

My blogs aren't funny lately. 

I need a gratuitous picture of Bill Murray