Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there!
Motherhood has been a strange and wonderful journey for me. I'm what you could call a fly by night type of Mom. I started into the Mom zone by accident shortly after graduating high school.
I got pregnant with my second during my disastrous and short first marriage. (I lived with the guy for 3 months and then spent a year fighting for a divorce.)
I got pregnant with number 3 because of failed birth control. I was the crabbiest about that one. I had intended to have one more but just not right then! I was crabby because I was still too tired from the other two to contemplate being that horrifically out numbered.
But despite being something of a train wreck with my family planning my kids have been the brightest spots in my life! (Except when they're exasperating me, which is more often than I like, and continues to this very day tho they are grown, out on their own and 2/3's have kids of their own!)
My kids are my legacy. They are what I will leave behind in the world. When I'm dead, THEY will remember me and they will carry on who I was for as many generations as will remember me. I know it all fades some day. I don't know much about my ancestors...what did they think about the world and what made them happy or sad. But for a while, my kids make me immortal.
Having kids educates you about what love means. From the beginning, before they were born and especially after, I loved them more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human being. You won't understand until you have a child yourself. It takes you completely by surprise, that first incredible feeling of love when you lay eyes on that little mess you just pushed out of yourself. There are no words to express it but all moms know exactly what I'm talking about.
After a while, when you have enough sleepless nights and you miss having your body all to yourself, the shine wears off a bit but you still push on because you just love them so freaking much you have to.
One of my great memories is of my sister calling me in tears not so long after my nephew was born. She was exhausted from being up most of every day and night with her fussy infant son and was distraught because she felt like she hated her child and something must be wrong with her. I told her "welcome to motherhood!" I reassured her that this is normal.
That's how it is. Your kids can suck the life right out of you. You'll stop sleeping. Your sex life will slow to a dribble because you need those brief periods of peace where your body belongs to only you and it's just too much to ask to share it with your partner no matter how good that might feel.
You'll buy practical cars. You'll stay home at night. You'll work and work, day and night, to keep things like you want them for your kid.
You'll live in a house full of toys and there will be crap thrown everywhere. You'll pick up constantly (and futilely) or give in and live in a sty and hope no one drops by for a visit without 48 hours notice.
You'll cook regular meals and try to be healthy. Your kids won't want to eat it. They'll want mac N cheese or PB&J sandwiches.
Your life will revolve around caring for these little people. You aren't supposed to have temper tantrums anymore. You're the adult here! Some days you'll wish someone else was around to do the adulting. I wanted my mom to come adult for me sometimes! At least I could call her and she'd make me laugh about it later.
You'll get to work and realize the baby spit up on your shoulder before you left and you didn't notice. Or that there's food on your shirt that you didn't notice. Or that you missed putting mascara on one eye because the kids distracted you.
If you're breastfeeding and ride a motorcycle, your shirt will be soaked with breast milk very quickly. Vibrations will do that to you. I learned that from experience.
You'll put in years of cleaning up vile bodily fluids and not get paid for it. I never could tolerate vomit - I'd wrap a dish towel around my face and wear rubber gloves and try not to look at it to avoid adding to it - but I did it! Also, avoid bargain diapers. I got some discount diapers and ended up with poop all over my t-shirt, that I then had to take it off over my head. Oh, and NEVER, NEVER lay back and toss a baby in the air after you've fed them unless you love getting a face full of spit up. One of mine had projectile vomiting down to a science. I'd come home after work and pick her up and whoosh! There was her entire bottle! You had to burp her every 15 seconds or you'd get hosed by that one.
Being a Mom is not for the faint-hearted. It's not a saintly job either. There was a lot of cursing going on when I did it. Maybe not all out loud, but in my head. My Mom was the same. I remember her saying "chit" a lot. She invented words that were close to swear words but not quite. I found that amusing but I did it differently. But not better.
I remember her being completely appalled when my 3 yr old daughter once raged at someone, calling them a dildo, in front of her. I thought it was better to curse people by calling them dildos rather than fuckers but the look on my mother's face told me different. Instead I taught my kids not to swear in front of Granny.
I realized that loving your kids is the opposite of loving a mate. When you love your kids, your job is to grow them up and send them away from you to live their own lives. You'll get to linger on the edges but their lives will switch priorities to their own core families and they will end up doing the same for their children. That is as it should be.
Moral of the story? Being a Mom is the thing I'm most proud of in my life. I've been far from perfect but my kids survived and they know I love them. They know I always will.
And there are always counselors to help them recover from my less than perfect parenting, as needed.
