That's the story of my life today. It's obnoxious! I've been feeling in this mood all day. I've been wallowing in it frankly. Maybe it's time to knock it off? I don't know. I must be getting something out of it since I'm not ready to let it go just yet.
I'm going to write a list of my woes and see if I find any enlightenment about my situation:
> I have a zit under my nose.
> I went to Rancheritos and order $22+ dollars of food and pretty much everything I tried to eat was awful. The tacos were greasy and yet dry and totally lacked flavor. Ken tasted them and made awful faces so I'm vindicated. The guacamole looked like baby diarrhea and didn't taste much better than it looked. I ate rice pudding and beer for supper. Now I'm sullen about it. The guacamole was smooth! Gag.
> I sulked because I had to take World of Warcraft off my computer because I need my computer for work. I'm being a fucking responsible adult and it sucks balls. My computer was overloaded and I was constantly getting warnings about disc space. I couldn't even log into the game for fear it would start an update and kill my computer. So my computer is only good for work. And blogging.
> I have no money for another computer because we have health insurance issues that we're waiting to resolve. My company was bought out right before Ken had knee replacement surgery and we got a new insurance company. We have far surpassed our deductible but had to keep paying since nothing had caught up yet (luckily the previous payments towards deductibles are rolling into the new insurance but...) so now we're stuck paying all these bills and waiting for insurance to reimburse us for all the extra we've had to pay. This could take a long time to resolve knowing how fast insurance companies work. On the bright side at least we can pay them and carry the load until it resolves! It could be worse. Holy hell I hope it doesn't get worse!!!
> The lawn mower died last weekend so I had to buy another one. Good news is I had a coupon and got $20 off! Bad news is I had to buy a new lawnmower. The good news is it is self propelled. I tested it and practically had to chase it. Best to stop on a high note with this one.
> The lawn is a mess of weeds and it's big and I'm tired. It's like 4 times the size of the yard when I lived in the mobile home park and I suffered with that one - this one...holy shite! Normally the lawn would be Ken's milieu but with him being out of commission with knee replacement for the next while it's on me and I'm losing the battle. The biggest part of this is that both us are continually bothered by this every time we look at the yard. We like things nice and I'm coming up short. I mow and within an hour, they raise their little heads again like they're saying "nya nya!!"
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| at least bees love them - there is that! |
> I have a dresser in mid-renovation all over the garage and I need to get it sanded and another coat of primer on it and then a couple coats of paint and then a sealer coat on it. In my free time when I'm not pussing out and watching Jessica Jones on Netflix and justifying my lack of initiative.
That's enough of my list. I could whine about more but frankly I'm getting a bit sick of myself. I haven't found any enlightenment beyond being entertained by looking for memes to use in this post.
When Ken and I decided it was time to have his knee done we knew it would have an impact on our lives both short and long term. At this moment I'm chafing a bit under the short term restrictions but at the same time I'm sooooo glad we got this done so Ken will feel better and we can have a more active lifestyle without him having so much pain!
He put it off until he just couldn't take it anymore. I'm glad that part of this is over with. Despite needing ice most of the time, he's only taking Tylenol now and again and is coping with pain better than I've seen him in years. THAT makes everything worth it! The bad lawn that is kicking my ass...the medical bills thru the roof...the lack of adventure...every bit of it is worth it for the future for him. For him to be able to do more of the things he's wanted to do. To not have to fight with him to try to protect him from himself all the time. It's worth it.
Maybe I have found enlightenment or at least have found a way towards pushing back the sulk. It's like the dandelions in my yard.
I can choose to see them like this and hate them...
Or I can squint a bit and see them like this...
I think my motto for the next while will be to tell myself to "squint".
