An "intellectual experiment" and Atheist churches? Really?

I just read a couple of articles that surprised me a bit.  The first one was about a pastor who decided to try being an atheist for a year.  http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2014/01/08/pastor-learns-the-price-of-atheism/?hpt=hp_c3

That story was connected to another about an atheist church.  http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2014/01/04/after-a-schism-a-question-can-atheist-churches-last/

And yet another about the 6 types of atheists.  http://www.atheismresearch.com/  (I have tried linking several sites for this article and can't get the links to work - copy and paste this to access the article - sorry I don't know what the problem is)

The atheist pastor was the first to stymie me.  He decided to do it as some sort of “intellectual experiment”.  Then he promptly lost 2 jobs teaching at Christian schools.  Why am I not surprised about that?

While I think it’s admirable for him to try to understand I don’t think you can pretend to be an atheist and really “get” what being an atheist is.  You can find out a few things maybe but to really understand, you have to lack belief.  He calls himself an agnostic.  I AM an agnostic.  I don’t know how you can be a teacher at a Christian school that requires you to state your Christian beliefs as part of the employment process or to be a pastor if you’re actually an agnostic. 

Definition from Wikipedia:  Agnosticism is the belief that the truth values of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, as well as other religious and metaphysical claims—are unknown.^[1][2][3] Agnosticism sometimes indicates doubt or a skeptical approach to questions. In the popular sense, an agnostic is someone who neither believes nor disbelieves in the existence of a deity or deities, whereas a theist and an atheist believe and disbelieve, respectively.

If he still holds the title of pastor and teaches at this Christian school, how can he possibly be agnostic?  Unless he’s a liar? 

He can’t know what it feels like to be a true atheist.  He can’t even really know how it feels to be a true agnostic, like myself. 

I am an agnostic because I don’t believe in God.  Let’s say I’m exceptionally skeptical.  I am an agnostic because I don’t completely disbelieve the possibility of God.  I could be wrong.  I don’t really think so but since I don’t know everything I can’t say for 100% certainty that there is no God.  I just don’t think it’s very likely. 

This means I can’t tip the scales into being an atheist though let’s just say I dance harder in that direction than in the direction of the church. 

The thing is, this pastor, at his core, believes.  That is why his “intellectual experiment” will fail.  Faith or lack of faith is a very personal thing.  You can fake it.  But you’ll know you’re faking it.  I knew I was faking it.  I still go to church for weddings and funerals.  I know all the words and the rituals.  I love some of the music.  I feel like a fraud. 

Church used to be a comforting place.  I went to Sunday school, was confirmed, attended adult bible studies & women’s study groups and taught Sunday school. 

Over the years I debated my thoughts on my studies in various groups and with pastors.  Some of whom embraced those debates and enjoyed them and some who shut me down promptly, saying “that’s not what we believe.”  I truly enjoyed those debates and my studies!  (Slight detour:  One of my favorites was the idea that Satan was God’s best angel.  People didn’t like that one but really, it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.  If God is supposed to be omniscient.  If he is all powerful, then how could Satan be doing evil if God didn’t allow it?  God needs contrast.  If everything is all fluffy and good  and sweet as sugar, would anyone appreciate it?  Would they worship God if they didn’t know that Satan was out there causing all kinds of evil things to happen?  If they didn’t need someone to save them?  Think about it.)

The thing is I didn’t only study the bible.  I’m fascinated by this entire planet, the universe and by human beings and their history.  These things all came together in me and moved me away from the church.  That was a long process (years).   

Here is what I believe. 

I believe that humankind has been inventing Gods since they could think enough to be scared and to try to do something to feel less afraid.  They invented Gods to give them an illusion of control over the chaos of this world.  If they just did this, this and/or this well enough and often enough, God would save them.  If they weren’t saved, then someone screwed up or it was just God’s will.  That’s my very simplified view.  It’s bigger than that tho.  It’s something humans did all over the world.  Sacrifice was a big theme. 

It also creates a common belief system that helps hold groups together and gives them rules to follow so as not to piss God off and end up causing some disaster to your tribe or going to hell.  God is a great unifier of people.  God motivates people to be better than they might be without the threat of hell or tragedy. 

I do believe in the possibility of life after death.  Not necessarily in heaven.  But I think the soul goes on.  I believe in the soul.  I have felt it leave the body.  I believe I have had "visitations" from loved ones who have passed on.  I like to dream that reincarnation could be right and maybe I could come back to this miraculous planet again in some new life.  I do love being here.  It's magnificent!

There are horrible things done in the name of God.  Many, many, many horrible things.  And those horrible things also unite and help to control groups of people. 

Anyway. 

I could go on about this in depth but that’s not really the point.  I wanted to give you a brief synopsis of why I’m agnostic.  It’s not because I have issues with the church.  It’s not because I think the church is bad.  It’s just that I don’t believe. 

To get back on point.  This pastor can’t pretend to be an atheist and expect to truly understand what being an atheist is.  Because he believes. 

It is strange to be an outsider.  He might get that but probably not.  He won’t know what it’s like to stand in a church with a room full of believers and not believe.  He can’t know what it feels like for me to go to church.  To feel like, if I say the words that I know from all those years when I believed, am I belittling their beliefs because I don’t?  Or should I say the words and fit in out of respect for their beliefs even if I am lying with every word?  He won’t feel that.  I do. 

How about when he goes on facebook, assuming he does, and some tragedy befalls a friend and everyone is sending prayers.  Will he be sitting there thinking how useless that is?  I do.  Will he feel ineffectual and helpless?  I do.  Will he wish he believed so he could pray and feel like he was doing something even tho he really wasn’t?  I do. 

Will he be quiet about his pretend lack of belief?  I doubt it since that wouldn’t really help his “intellectual experiment” would it?  I normally prefer to be quiet. 

Here is why I normally prefer to be quiet. 

There aren’t that many of us.  We, the agnostics and atheists, are outsiders to the majority.  Believers tend to see you as damaged or broken and try to fix you.  My own Mother has made the comment that she somehow failed because I don't believe.  They sometimes argue with you and tell you you’re wrong.  They sometimes stop being friends with you. 

We are outsiders.  We are not part of that cozy congregation any longer.  There is some pain of separation involved.  At least for me there is. 

We are sometimes perceived as lacking morals because you can’t have morals if you aren’t afraid of going to hell right?  I have the same morals as I did when I was a practicing Christian.  It’s a nicer way to live doing nice things for people!  I’m not interested in suddenly running around doing all kinds of bad things.  I never was nice or mean because I thought I was going to heaven or hell to begin with!  Being raised a Lutheran you pretty much are guaranteed a spot in the clouds so you should want to be good in gratitude.  I wasn’t raised to fear going to hell.  Never have worried about that.  Still managed to grow into a pretty nice person anyway.  I think I’m pretty nice anyway!

Probably the biggest reason I don’t say anything is because I don’t want my Christian friends to think I’m looking down on them.  Sometimes agnostics/atheists are perceived as condescending.  Well, we can be but Christians can be condescending also so I think we’re even.  It’s generally easier to avoid the subject for me.

Sadly, I think this priest, who lost 2 jobs in his attempt to have this “intellectual experiment” of atheism, is doomed to fail because he cannot truly understand.  Unless he is actually an atheist.  Or agnostic.  Or becomes one because there’s some part of him that doubts and he is testing that. 

This ran a bit long so I’ll quickly touch on the other 2 articles…well mostly the atheist church since the 6 types idea…hmmm I’m a middle one and I love how they try to compartmentalize people all the time.  Not. 

The atheist church gives me the shudders!  I do miss the sense of community of the church.  I get that!  But a shared belief is what brings the Christians together.  Would I want to go to a church to talk about how great it is to NOT believe?  Or to bitch about believers?  Not on your life!! Holy cripes!!  Well, there are extremists everywhere.  Kind of sounds like the idea behind this church is to debate the rightness of non-belief.  Well I guess that’s kind of like the Christian church which reinforces reasons for belief.  But still!  Much as I sometimes miss that sense of community the church provided I think I’ll take a pass on attending an atheist church! 

(And they meet on Sundays…for some reason I find that pretty funny!)