The perfect shitstorm hit me this morning

I was off work yesterday because of back problems.  Rather strange ones actually...I'd try to get dressed and have a severe spasm that would leave me gasping for air and feeling like I had a charlie horse going around my rib cage.  Then it would settle down and aside from an ache I'd feel pretty good.  I'd start thinking I was just being a big baby...it wasn't so bad and I'd try to get dressed and it would hit again and I'd be left crying and cuddling my heating pad. 


That was my day.  Ibuprofen, heating pad and laying down most of the time.  I couldn't even play World of Warcraft because sitting up for any time span hurt.


I put a call into my chiropractor.  He's semi-retired so only open on M/W/F.  I figured I'd play it safe and get in there first thing in the morning and then head off to work with my spinal problems solved.  It was a plan.


This morning I woke with the ache but it was tolerable.  I got ready for work and waited for my chiropractor's call.  He called at 9 AM and said he could see me as soon as I could get there.  YAY!  Life was about to get better!

I put on my coat, grabbed my purse and my lunch and turned the knob on the front door and pulled.  It didn't open.  I tried repeatedly.  It didn't open.  I bent down and realized that the thingy that goes into the door jamb was ignoring the turning knob.  I'm like, are you kidding me???  NOW????  Oh for crying out loud!


So I grab my power drill.  Can't get it at the screws - bad angle. 


I go digging in my tool box and get the Phillips and take the door knob off.  The other side clunks down to the floor and now I can see thru the hole in my door.  And I still can't get the thingy that goes into the jamb to get out of the jamb. 


I'm locked in my house!


Then the mother of all back spasms hits.  I'm suddenly in so much pain life becomes a blur.  I stand and pant for a few minutes realizing that now I REALLY need the chiropractor and I'm going to have to climb out my back door to get to him. 


I live in a mobile home.  I don't have stairs at my back door, hence the word "climb". 


So I find a rag to stuff into the hole in the front door.  Not like anyone can break in right?  I couldn't even get out!  Just trying to cut down on my heat bill while I'm gone. 


I know I'm now going to be wading thru snow drifts to get to the front of my house so I need to change out of my work shoes.  I kick them off and step into my snow boots, which I can't tie because I'm in too much pain and it's just impossible to manage.  At least I have boots on. 


I slowly, with much gasping and tears, manage to get myself out the back door. 


The spasm is REALLY not happy that I didn't run to the heating pad and I have to force myself to inhale against the vice grip around my mid-section.  I'm standing there, in the snow drifts, with my boots untied, gasping for air.  I take a few steps and have to pant a bit more.  I come around the corner and realize that my car was moved down the street last night so it wouldn't be towed since they were plowing the trailer court today.  I'd forgotten about that.  The plows had gone by already so there is a nice big drift to get over to get to the street.  Fun times!


I get out into the street...I'm crying because I'm having an incredulous pity party about what is happening to me...and I drop my keys on the street.  Can someone please kill me now?


I get them.  It hurt.  I guess when it hurts like that does it really matter if it hurts a bit worse?  You won't really stop breathing because of a rib charlie horse right?  Well I didn't.  I didn't die. 


I slowly got myself folded into my car and got it started.  Then I tried to call Lacey to warn her that she won't be able to get in the front door when she gets home.  No answer. 


I call Ben because I realize there is no way I'll be able to climb back in thru the back door unless my condition vastly improves.  It probably wouldn't improve that much.  Ben says he'll come over and get the front door opened for me. 


I head for the doctor.  I drive a stick.  Added to the fun I was already experiencing.  Moving my legs around on the clutch and shifting.  There are times....


I unfold myself out of the car and toddle into the chiro's office.  I'm embarrassed because I've been crying from the pain on the drive down.  I feel like such a baby!

Lacey calls while I'm standing there crying and I tell her what's going on.  I tell her she can get in thru the back door and that Ben is coming to get the front door opened.  Later I find out I left the knob on the back door locked.  Perfect.


I've had this chiro, Dr. John, for years so we know each other well and are having a laugh at this perfect shit storm while we try to get my spine to chill out. 


Didn't have the greatest luck but at least got it to unclench some.  I get to go back again after work today for another try. 


Left his office and went to Menard's to buy a new door knob.  Got home, handed it to Ben to install while I went back to my room to take ibuprofen and cuddle the heating pad so I could go to work for the afternoon and not waste the entire day laying in bed again. 


My back still needs work but so far no more spasms from hell this afternoon.  I've gotten some work done so the day isn't a waste. 


My mind is still a bit boggled by the timing of the door knob issue. 


If that door knob would have worked like it always does I'd probably have made it to the chiropractor without incident.  My back wouldn't have been in spasm and I might have been able to get the problem area set to rights again.


If I would have installed some back stairs last fall like I'd intended I wouldn't have had to climb down the side of my house while in extreme pain this morning. 


If it wasn't plowing day I wouldn't have had to go walking down the street to get to my car or dropped my keys while I was in the middle of the street. 


I guess it wasn't quite the perfect shit storm because my chiropractor was available when I got there.  He'll be available again tonight for another try.  My son was able to come over and fix the door knob.  My daughter was able to get in the house despite my leaving the back door knob locked by accident. 


It was close enough tho.