Got a call today and no signs of cancer in the uterus or cervix! Everything is "normal" that they've tested so far. Now we wait for the additional tests in September before we decide how to deal with whatever is going on. At least it isn't cancer! 1 out of 2 C word questions resolved 😀
As far as making progess on anything else? Not so much. I couldn't bring myself to call my mom or anyone about my current drama. I guess I'm a little bit sick of it and want it to go away. I don't really want to delve into the crap fest that is causing the simmering mess of rage inside. I'm hoping it'll just go away without me having to pick the scab off it.
BUT I did finally clean the kitchen floor and take care of a few things on my to do list that I hadn't been dealing with. It's nice to walk into the kitchen and not feel grossed out by stuff on the floor. These little things are good and it's important to notice them. There's so much negativity out there and in my case, internally, that positive stuff is really important to acknowledge!
For the time being I'm going to just take the break I've given myself. I'm going to continue to stay away from social media and the news and stay in my bubble. I don't need to know every thought or feeling or opinion all of my friends and family have. I don't need to listen to professionals with agendas use their skills of persuasion to try to make me hate people who aren't just like me. I'm kind of liking this version of "quiet". It's not so bad.
I figure I'll keep going like this for a while and see if any new epiphanies or ideas occur to me that'll help me handle my crap better. I'm going to be patient. It's also something of a cop out because I'm not ready to do anything about the inside stuff yet. But I get to do that. My life, my crap, my call.
I get kind of sick of my own shit sometimes. I don't have much patience with my own shit let alone other people's shit. It interferes with my goals of not being a mess inside. At this moment I don't feel like a mess. I feel pretty good about having a NO to cancer on one of the items on my checklist. I'm going to savor it!
It's weird to see that people are reading my post. Not many, which is good. I'd feel weird if a bunch of people were reading it. This is more for my own therapy. And when I put it out there it's like it left me and went out into the world, you know? I don't need anyone to read it but I sent it out into the universe and also recorded it if I ever think it might help to read it again. To remember.
Oh, I did have a random thought today...that it's dangerous to rewrite history because history doesn't suit you.
I was watching some war movies with Ken this weekend. Documentaries with old footage and soldiers remembering their stories. It was fascinating.
Then today I was thinking about all this socialist stuff the right is bitching about and a segment of the left is supporting (Bernie's peeps) and thought how people keep pretending that socialism will work even tho it has failed over and over again in country after country.
Lots of things that happened during the wars are starting to crop up again in certain ways. I know some of our history is painful. Each person has painful histories of their own so why would our country be any different? But removing reminders...is that really good? Is it good to forget history?
As I listened to the soldiers talking about how they felt back in those days they all said they felt bad. They also felt it was important to tell their stories and hang onto the history so that their children and grandchildren would not repeat that history. So that they'd recognize it if it started again.
I don't know if we're going down that path but I'm worried on a lot of levels. I do see things happening that concern me. The cancel culture is probably the biggest thing as well as the dividing of the people and the demonizing we're doing of each other.
Punishing people for their opinions is a way of shutting them up. It's a way of forcing them into line even if they disagree or are afraid of what's happening. This is happening.
The political divide is making it easier for us to hate people by demonizing anyone who isn't like you. I'm a conservative and I hear the messages the left says about me. That I'm racist, anti-choice, bigoted, and a stupid hick (redneck or undesirables). I'm against anything that isn't in the bible. Being pro-gun means I hate kids and want them to be shot in school or I'm for mass shootings. We're a bunch of idiot rednecks and shouldn't be listened to. Not by the superior liberals who are "awoke".
And I hear the messages about the left that the right is spinning. That they're out to destroy America with their socialist agenda, they're anti-cop, pro-riot, kill babies, secretly hate other races - the white liberals that is - and are out to destroy the family (BLM is accused of this A LOT), They think all white people have white privilege because white people all had it easier than everyone else. They want to take all of the guns away. They think social workers will do a better job than cops. They want to create a country where the gov't tells people how to live and gives them free stuff, like health insurance, college, and welfare because none of them appear to work do they? They have all this time to riot right? And AOC wants everyone to go back in time and kill the cows because they fart too much.
So this is the kind of crap that I'm quieting right now. I want to start feeling better about other people. I want to stop looking at them sideways. This shit is insidious. It's pumped at people from all directions and it's pretty much impossible to get any information without this shit coming at you.
This is rambling and it's late and I want supper so I'm going to stop. Anyway, that's today. There was good news so time to eat!
