SBD Santa Claus

Yesterday I made yet another "epic" journey to Salt Lake City, UT, to see my man, Ken.  I started the day with a crooked back and high hopes that my chiropractor would be able to fix me first thing in the AM so I could go blissfully thru the rest of my day and then my 10 day vacation.  Didn't exactly work out.  Marginal improvement was made.  It was something.

One of the things I did to myself was to offer to bring a (this) laptop with me on vacation so I could work a bit and try to keep up on things.  I would do this if they paid for me to check my bag.  They agreed.  So I was happy because I got to bring the bigger suitcase YAY!  And sad because I wasn't going to be totally on vacation.  But mostly so I'll stop whining about it now. 

I had the great idea to take the train from work to the airport.  Never did that before.  It was kind of cool!  I'll do it again someday!  Saw some new views of Mpls and got to smell a little BO.  It was hot and the guy sitting in front of me liked putting his arms up.  So I breathed shallowly.  I survived. 

First leg into DFW was great!  I was a special passenger and got an entire row of 3 seats all to myself!!  Felt like a rock star :)  Except for the fact that I was 2 rows away from the bathrooms and that got a little fragrant now and again.  This trip was turning out to be fragrant.  When you go out amongst the people it gets like that.

So I get into DFW.  Sigh.  You almost need stamina training at some airports.  I came in at the D gates.  My next flight left from the C gates so I started walking.  They could use a LOT more moving walkways at DFW!!  JS!!  So I walked and walked.  And I started really hating this lunky, heavy laptop.  I went up the escalator and walked.  Then down another escalator and walked.  Then walked over a highway in a skyway.  Then more escalators.  Then a tram.  Then another escalator.  And then...(drumroll) my gate!  It said the flight was going to Orlando.  I was a bit early tho Orlando might have been nice.  I had 2 hrs to wait.  My back was aching from carrying the damned laptop all over kingdom come.  I was in crabby bitch mode.  I was wondering why my work didn't use those cute little notebook type laptops instead of these 50 lb behemoths!  50 lb behemoths should automatically come with wheels so people with crappy backs can drag them around on the floor behind them!  Ok, so it's not 50 lbs but my back was sore and I was being a pussy about it.

I thought I found a McDonalds to eat at but was detoured by the pretzel offerings at Auntie Anne's.  I did not eat a well balance diet yesterday.  That pretzel was the best thing I ate all day!

So I finally get on the plane.  Some guy who looks like Santa Claus has hijacked my seat.  He's giving me this look and I figure if he wants the  window seat that fucking bad, go for it!  So I took the middle. 

I would like to say that whoever designed those seats should be taken out and shot!!  They have NO lumbar support.  In fact, they force you into a hunched position.  I was fantasizing about how wonderful it would be if only I had a big fat pillow to slip back there so my back wouldn't hurt! 

Santa Claus was a sprawler.  He splayed his legs out.  He took over the arm rest.  I hunkered over to my left as much as I can.  I'm no tiny petunia myself so let's say I didn't get too far left. 

Santa tried to strike up a conversation.  I gave monosylabic responses and he finally left me alone.  I'm not a good conversationalist when I'm suffering and crabby!  I'm rather anti-social in good circumstances. 

Last night was the night for people to bring their cranky, exhausted little kids on the flight.  We were swarmed with them!  I lost track of which kid was crying when.  Poor little dudes!  I was a little jealous because if I was like them I could have been throwing a tantrum to the attendants about the shitty seat designs and how my back really hurt!  I could have cried and moaned and vented!  Instead I just had a lengthy bitch stream running in my brain.  Let's just say the F word popped up regularly. 

So I finally found a relatively comfy spot (oh gag,,.Baby just took a shit in the cat box and I caught a whiff...gag!) by curling forward with my elbows on the little fold down table, holding my head in my hands.  I was doing this really well apparently because I dozed off.  I know I dozed off because the woman on my left accidentally bumped me and I almost jumped out of my skin in startlement! 

Well I squirmed all thru that 2 hour flight, trying to keep my back from being too miserable.  I was actually praying (gag, caught another whiff) that the flight would end soon and I'm an agnostic!  But at that point, I was desperate and figured it couldn't hurt.  Lucky for me, if God is there, that he wasn't pissed at me for being agnostic and answered my prayer with a flaming plane wreck!

All these whiffs are reminding me of the last little part of my flight.  The time when Santa Claus decided to start dealing some SBD's.  Silent, but deadlies.  Holy Hell!!  I tried my best not to breathe!  We were coming in for a landing when he started up.  I couldn't look out the window because that would have meant facing into the vile cloud of stench!  Ken asked me if I saw the fires when I landed and I had to tell him I couldn't because of the horrible stench from the guy next to me...I was wondering if he crapped his pants or something?  I wondered if the folks around me thought I did it?  (another whiff...gag...when will this kitty litter kick into action??)

Well my semi-crippled ass is in UT now.  Relax!  We head for ND tomorrow.  I have a day of rest.  So far work has been quiet.  I like that!

my dog has a wardrobe, but no booties!

You may have noticed that Bruiser was wearing a blue hoodie in my last post.  My Mom got that for him shortly after one of his haircuts because she thought he looked cold.  I moved into another zone I'd never been in before...a dog with a wardrobe.

Bruiser is already prissy enough in certain ways.  He doesn't like walking on grass because it pokes his feet.  He won't run in fields.  When he gets tired he lays down...doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a walk.  If you want to keep walking you get to carry him!  He is a fussy eater.  If someone at a petstore offers him a treat, he will politely take it and just as politely set it on the floor.  He won't eat it.  It's not one of his pre-approved treats.  He has very few of those and they tend not to offer them as freebies.  He doesn't have much use for other dogs.  Bruiser is kind of a pain.  And now he has "outfits".

The blue hoodie was the beginning of a collection.  He has a green sweater with leaves embroidered on it.  He has a black top with a skull on it somewhere tho I haven't seen it for a while.  Maybe some other dog got jealous and took it.  He has a few collars...there's a Halloween themed collar on the floor in my living room right now for some strange reason.  I think Penelope was playing with it on her last visit a week or so ago.  Shows how often I clean.

Once Lacey dressed him up as a clown for Halloween.  He looked ridiculous and not terribly thrilled about it!  Lucky for him that costume was a bit small so they didn't leave it on him for long.

Bruiser doesn't mind wearing sweatshirts/sweaters.  He even seems to enjoy them!  But I found out where he draws the line one winter.  He doesn't tolerate cold well so on the rare occasion I'd take him for walks in the winter, he would end up crying fairly quickly and trying to walk without putting his feet on the ground.  Would have been funny if it wasn't for the fact that he was really not having any fun!

I got the bright idea to get some booties for him to wear so the cold couldn't hurt his feet!  Ran to Petsmart and picked some nice ones out and came home all excited to try them out!

Let's just say that Bruiser HATED the booties!  With a mad passion!!  Surprisingly he cooperated until I got 2 of them on his front paws. Then he staggered around a bit (dogs walk REALLY funny in booties...or at least Bruiser does).  He finally lay down and wouldn't walk anymore.  He was trying to chew them off.  Frustrated, I decided to take them off before he ruined them and he bit me!  This was a shock because Bruiser doesn't bite his people.  He'll bite other dogs but not his people.  So I had to wrestle those booties off him and avoid some flashing tiny teeth doing it!  Luckily for me he's a rather pussy biter, which makes me wonder what kind of pussies those groomers were who couldn't handle him for a haircut!

Bruiser will never be a bootie wearing dog.

My discount puppy

I have a hairy family member named Bruiser.  He's been with my family for the last 13 years.  He was a discount puppy.  I'd been shopping for a certain type of dog with a certain kind of hair (I have allergies) and found a breeder.  She called to let me know she had 3, 6 month old puppies at half price if I wanted to come take a look at them.  They weren't the breed I wanted but had the right hair type so I went to meet them.  They were Shi-tzu/Maltese mixes.  They were all freshly bathed when we showed up.  They didn't look good...they were still dripping wet.  My oldest daughter completely fell in love with one right off the bat.  I was relieved because at least that one didn't have an overbite like his brothers.  I remember thinking that I never thought I'd have a dog like that.  A little hairball type. Not exactly my style but I missed having dogs since my allergies developed so had limited options to choose from anymore.  We brought the little hairball home. 

My wary purchase of this pup changed the rest of my life.  I grew up with dogs.  Normal dogs.  Dogs that like to run in fields.  (Maybe I shouldn't say normal...our English Setter, Commander, used to go into perfect points at tricycles.)

Here he is with the kids shortly after I brought him home.  It was around Xmas time so he would have been 1 year old when this was taken.  My youngest, Ben, (red head) is now 22 years old.

Bruiser has health issues.  He has overactive sebaceous glands.  He can get oozing sores from this and it requires regular bathing to remove excess oils from his skin.  I've also discovered that removing corn meal from his diet really helps!  So Bruiser needs lots of baths.  He also has allergies.  He licks his feet all the time.  He skips over crab grass in the cracks on the sidewalks because he doesn't like it when grass pokes his feet.  His skin is sensitive.  He scratches a lot.  Sometimes he cries cause he needs to scratch so much.  Because of all the bathing, he is prone to ear infections.  I found all this out when he was a puppy and was worried about his quality of life.  The vet said that it's just part of being Bruiser.  I've learned that dogs don't sit around feeling sorry for themselves...they don't compare themselves to the dog next door and feel like they missed out on something.  Their nature is to accept their lot in life and make the best of it.  She assured me he would have a happy life even with itchy skin.  She was right!

One of the first differences between Bruiser and my childhood dogs, was the hair issues.  Bruiser requires grooming and haircuts.  I never had a dog that needed haircuts before.  Bruiser doesn't like haircuts.  He REALLY doesn't like haircuts!  The first few groomers we took him to told us not to bring him back because of the biting.  Biting??  Bruiser doesn't bite!  Except if you are a groomer I guess.  They tried to muzzle him but since he has a weird shaped jaw, the muzzle wouldn't stay on, so they didn't want him back.  In this wee beastie's life there has only been one groomer that Bruiser liked.  My daughter's mother-in-law Carol.  He truly loves her!  But since she's family I didn't want to take advantage so instead decided to learn how to groom him myself.  My first try was a miserable experience.  One of my kids held him down while I buzzed him.  He wasn't cooperative and looked pretty stupid by the time it was done.  So I got a DVD to learn how to do it.  It showed me some clever tricks!  I was excited to try them out.  First was to leash him for control.  I wanted to be able to do this for myself.  It didn't go well.  I truly think Bruiser would commit suicide by strangulation on his leash before he'd stand still for a hair buzzer!

There was another cool thing they showed me.  If you lifted one leg the dog will be forced to stand on the other while you buzz him.  It kind of immobilized him and forced him to cooperate.  I decided to do this with Bruiser.  I lifted his hind leg, forcing him to stand still on his other hind leg while I buzzed him.  It didn't turn out quite like I expected.  I lifted his leg and he lifted his other and then was dangling by one leg from my hand and we were no closer to him getting a haircut than before!  At this point I realized that the people who made that DVD weren't dealing with a Bruiser!  I had a unique (and problematic) pup!  So I threw the DVD out and resigned myself to needing 2 people for haircuts...one to hold him down while the other buzzes.  We're now pretty good at it but he still looks pretty stupid for about 2 weeks after, until his hair grows out!  He has freckles on his pink skin that you can see thru the fuzz we leave on his hide.  Not attractive!  Luckily he doesn't care at all! 

When I was a kid I loved to take my dogs out in the fields and run with them.  Taking long walks thru the countryside, enjoying nature together.  I decided to take Bruiser to a field and go running around with me.  We drove out, I took him out of the car and put him down and he froze.  I tried to pull on the leash, convinced that he would love it if he just gave it a chance.  Running in fields is what dogs love!  I realized I had a dog impostor that day.  He absolutely refused to have anything to do with running in fields.  He wanted to go back in the car.  Short of carrying him or dragging him around by the throat, I had to admit there would be no field running with the Bruise.  Ever.  So he wasn't a dog-type dog.  This has played out in various ways over the years.  Most dogs love to be outside.  Bruiser has finally, in his old age, started to enjoy sitting in the sun to warm his old bones.  It wasn't always like that.  I'd be outside working in the yard, with him to keep me company, and he would go to the top of the steps and cry to go in the house.  I'd try to shame him by asking him if he was a dog.  Real dogs love to be outside!  He would ignore me and beg to go in.  I'd finally give in, just to shut him up.  He is a talker!

He wasn't always a talker.  Part of the reason I got a dog was for protection.  Not that I think Bruiser would defend any of us, but a barking dog is supposed to be a deterrent to criminals.  Shortly after he came home with us, I realized we had a problem.  Bruiser wasn't a barker!  We had to train him to bark...to announce visitors.  He really sucks at it...he usually won't bark at them until you've had them in the house visiting for a bit.  (eye roll)  But we got him to be more vocal and he hasn't shut up since.  Except when visitors arrive.  Then it's like standing on a street in an abandoned town with tumbleweeds blowing thru it.

This post is probably long enough.  I will write more later.  I feel a need to tell people about my pup.  He's now 13.5 yrs old and has been showing symptoms of dementia the past couple of years.  At least the progress is slow and he still recognizes his people.  It's a painful thing to acknowledge that your time with a pet is limited.  We're in a long good-bye right now.  Life has changed and now I'm in maintenance mode.  Managing his various issues as best I can and watching him to make sure he's still enjoying life.  It can be hard to tell!  He can have a raging ear infection and you won't know unless you dig in his ears regularly.  Lucky for him I do.  So if he's suffering, it could be difficult to tell.  So I pay attention and hope that I make the right calls.  So far I think we're ok.  I've had a couple of sessions with him where I thought we were heading to the end and he made a comeback.  My Mom told me that he'll let me know when it's time.  I'll know.  So far, it isn't time.  I know it's coming tho.  He's the best dog I've ever had.  I don't plan to have another when he leaves me.  He'll be the last.

Delusions

I just read my daughter's most recent blog posting about how rude people can be, even inadvertently, to special needs children and their parents.  And I felt ashamed because I've been trying to convince her that she's being too hyper-sensitive and has to be imagining it.  It can't be that bad right? 

I wish it wasn't.  I really do!  But I realized, by reading her blog and then thinking back to some of my own experiences with Penelope out in public, that I've become very practiced at ignoring people over the years.  I've had years to develop a reasonably thick skin myself, because of my own weirdness and have become highly skilled at ignoring people who don't matter to me in my life.  Because they don't.  And that means I purposely ignore most people.  This allows me to imagine that the world is a kinder place than it truly is.  And I think people suck more than many others so that's even sadder than it sounds!  But even as cynical as I can be, I'm still deluding myself about the people I co-habitate this planet with. 

Based on my own insides, I think the main reason people act badly is that they don't know how to act when anything unusual comes across their paths.  I make a point not to stare at people.  I make a smile and try to convey kindness when I make eye contact.  I try to treat them like I would anyone else.  Unless they appear to be having trouble of some sort.  I'll help short ladies get packages off high shelves in grocery stores so that is also like what I would do for anyone.  I try to put myself in their shoes and think that I would prefer to go about my business without being stared at or having people leap to my aid or make a special fuss over me.   Mostly I think most people are "rude" because they lack empathy.  Not because they intend to be unkind.  Or maybe that's me being delusional again?

There are some who are so self centered they are rude for their own entertainment.  I think of them as sociopaths.  They are incapable of real feelings as most human beings experience them.  Empathy is outside their capabilities.  They don't understand...they are incapable.  I went to school with some of these people.  Mean Girls (kind of like the movie - they seemed to run in packs) who seemed to find grand entertainment in belittling and tormenting their less socially accepted classmates. 

I was an outsider in school so I had sympathy for these targets.  I was a weird kid.  I got that.  I wasn't much of a target. Possibly because I'm tall and solid compared to many females. Not your typical weaker target in the physical sense. I was a tom boy. I'm weirdly strong. Once a co-worker figured that out he got me into arm wrestling and I even won and made a little money doing it! I could beat my male co-workers in an arm wrestling match. That drove them bat shit! I'm really not a girly girl. Except I do love pretty shoes!  I would occasionally (rarely) defend some of those targets too if what was going on just seemed too cruel.  I had my own issues and wasn't up to doing much!  I'm not much of an orator when I'm angry so I think I shocked the tormentors more by the fact that I'd stand up to them, than by anything I actually managed to spit out.

And even with this understanding I've been more than willing to be snobby and bitchy about others that have "defects" I don't care for. 

I used to be something of a "man hater" back in my 20's.  Blaming them for everything bad in my life.  It was so easy!  Let's say my main male role models didn't win any awards.  The females in my life were very dominant.  Men aren't trained from birth to be in touch with their feelings and can fumble around astronomically trying to figure it out.  I realized, finally, that they had feelings too!  They wanted love and comfort and security too.  When I gave birth to my son I decided it was time to take a hard look at myself.  I had a man to raise and I wanted to do a good job.  Which meant I needed to do a major paradigm shift!  I needed to own my own problems and poor decision making abilities.  Not their fault!  I found out I tended to do better when I wasn't in a relationship and didn't have anyone to blame my troubles on except for myself.  (Hmmmm starting to have some sympathy for Ken in the future...)

I was jealous of the rich and decided they were all lazy and selfish and unworthy of my friendship.  I suffered!  I understood how to survive!  They were clueless wastes of skin.  I have been such a HUGE pain in the ass in some ways!!  Now I have known some rich folk.  Some of them are very generous, wonderful caring people!  And I used to write them off as a group.  Lame of me.

I can be a snob about liberals.  When I was dating that was one of the deal breakers...I didn't date Democrats.  Flat out.  There are enough things to argue about in the world.  I figured I could easily avoid that by not dating any.  Luckily Ken shares my viewpoints to no fights over that!  But there is a purpose to both sides.  I get enough attitude from the other side that I don't waste much time feeling bad about being snobby sometimes tho. 

I'm a snob about religious people.  Seems like there is a cliche for everything!  They can talk you in mad circles with those cliches, all with a sainted smile on their faced.  Once again, not a particularly appealing attitude.  But frankly religion makes me tired so I avoid discussing it.  It's pointless.  Plus I don't have any interest in converting anyone to being agnostic and prefer it if they don't try to convert me back to being christian.  Won't work.  Like I said, pointless.

I think getting married is a stupid thing to do.  Like making it legal means your relationship will last?  Really??  I think gays are being idiots because they had the proverbial get out of jail free card on this point and they're blowing it!  If they want to be that stupid, it's their prerogative!  I doubt I will ever marry again, unless some financial advisor convinces Ken and I that it's in our best financial interests to do so.  I can spend the rest of my life with him without making it legal and be quite content!

I'm getting off point here.  Or maybe I'm right on point?  I sit and think how I'm better than those folks who left the playground after Penelope and I showed up, because I don't stare at people who have disabilities.  I don't make snarky comments about little kids/adults with various issues.  I try to treat them with kindness and respect.  But look out for the folks who don't think about the world like I do!  Though to be fair to myself, I may think these things but I also treat those folks with respect for their right to think differently than me.  I don't make a habit of insulting them and their beliefs.  I sometimes try to make an attempt to meet in the middle somewhere.  I'm an American.  I believe in the right to think about the world differently.  It's one thing this nation was based on.  I believe in that to the core of my being.  It's part of my nationality. 

Back to the delusions...I think we probably all do this.  Because facing the reality of how badly people act is just too awful!  Thinking about what we ourselves do, in the harsh light of reality, is too painful to accept.  It's easier to do like I do, ignore it, push it aside, rationalize it away.  To feel superior for the things you do right and rationalize what you do wrong.  It's part of being human.  We are all slaves to our primal Id, that snarling animal that lurks in us all.  Thankfully our Ego can fight it down and win, hopefully more often than not!  It's what keeps our civilization as civil as it is. 

I worry about my granddaughter.  She's too little to understand that people are being rude about her because she looks/acts a little different than your typical kid.  But that is a temporary condition.  She will mature.  But many of her issues will be outgrown also, though probably not fast enough for her to avoid having to deal with the pain of people staring and acting like tards.  If people could just treat each other with some kindness and basic respect it would make such a vast difference in the world!!  But believing that that is possible is just another delusion.