That about sums up 2012 for me! At the start of this year my plan was to use this blog as a way to shaming myself into losing weight. Didn't work.
I had several plans that went bust completely or partially this past year.
The failed weight loss plan is only the first item on my list of complaints. And I can only complain to myself. I'd smack myself with a wet noodle but would probably eat it. I'm just coming off of holiday eating. Yesterday, after a 4 day weekend, I tried to go back to normal eating patterns and my body kept making me feel faint because I hadn't eaten on an hourly basis. And I gave into it because it was uncomfortable. This is a problem! Today I will do better! (I hope)
Then there was my 30 year class reunion. I'd been waiting for this for 30 freaking years! And what happens to me? I put my back out. I went to the reunion and it was great seeing people but I was in pain the whole time. I can see it in some of the pictures, where I didn't know they were shooting. I have this constipated look and am sitting all cockamamie. I ended up in the ER at the crack of dawn the following AM thanks to Ken hauling my crippled ass upright and helping me toddle oh so slowly to the car. So instead of having a blast with my classmates, I spent that day drugged up on pain pills and anti-spasm meds in the hotel room bed. Ken was so sweet...he stayed with me and cuddled and brought me food tho the meds made me feel nauseous. But I am seriously pissed that my back had to pull that crap during my reunion and hosed my chance of spending some more fun time with my classmates! Better luck at the 40th I guess. I hope!
I had a dream of selling my house. Well. I got the ball rolling by asking the Park Office to give me a compliance list so I would know what I had to do to get my house ready to go to market. When you live in a trailer court, it can be tricky to sell your house, sitting on their lot, if they are not going to approve it to stay there. Well. I got a mini-novel of things they wanted fixed. Resentment flared because there are lots of places in worse shape than mine in that court. Then I realized, they'll probably have a worse to-do list than me if they decide to sell. They have my sympathies. The list was full of fun stuff like painting, adding railings where I didn't need them when I bought the place, same thing with back stairs...didn't need them when I bought the place but now I do. Down to window & screen replacements, and replacing all the screws on the skirting. LOTS of work to be done. My heart sank into my stomach and sat there like a rock. And then I dusted off and got to work. AFTER my back had recovered from my class reunion which took a good month of chiropractic treatment (joy). So I worked and worked and spent and spent. And the house looks pretty good but I ran out of good weather and money and didn't get it into compliance and therefore on the market. I'm hoping I can pull it off by next summer. If not, I'll try to get everything done by the end of summer and try to sell it during the winter. I don't care. I just want the bloody thing sold! Time to move on to the next chapter of my life. The raising kids chapter is done. Now I want to be a free spirited grandma who travels and has lots of fun and doesn't have to do yard work or repair toilets! Been there, done that, sick of it.
I can't say I have any sadness over bidding 2012 adieu. It did have its high points but I'm hoping to have more success with my various goals in the coming year. I'm going to give up on the shaming thing. Here is my list of goals for the coming year - it's short but should be challenging!
> Lose weight!
> Get more fit - amp up my physical activity levels and stop being such a marshmallow!
> Get my house into compliance and get it on the market!
> On the personal growth side...try to be more positive in my approach to life. Acknowledge that I alone am responsible for my mental health and if I'm moping around, blaming others for my unhappiness I need to check myself and make some adjustments to my thinking or decide if I'm willing to make some changes to my life to solve the issues.
Not a bad list! And no shame involved! I do have to fight my basic nature for some of them. I'm not a naturally balanced person. I tend to lean towards pleasure seeking and laziness. But I don't like my weight, I don't like that I'm a marshmallow and I don't like that I sometimes wallow in self pity and bitterness more than I should. (I have to admit I enjoy that sometimes...ok a lot.) Some of that stuff is ok but I need to find more balance. I will NEVER be a super-cheerful/positive/driven/skinny exercise buff but sliding a bit more in that direction wouldn't hurt me any.
