stress and positive thinking

I got the list of tasks I need to do to make my home qualify for the certificate of compliance.  I have to bring it to this level for the park to allow anyone else to purchase it and keep it on the lot.  It was a long list. 

After the initial depression set in I sat down to read it again and realized that, for the most part, it wasn't unexpected.  And while it's a lot of work, it probably isn't horrifically expensive.  It won't be cheap but I could do it, a bit at a time and still get it on the market this summer. 

The next step is to talk to a realtor about options.  Before I put any money into the house I need to know if it's worth it to do so.  I need a realtor for that.  So I looked around my house last night and figured I should get everything cleaned up and pretty looking before I invite a realtor over.  I want it to look as inviting as it can and hopefully get a good first impression before I start telling the realtor about it's various issues.  So this weekend (and this week) I will be cleaning!  The sooner I make some decisions, the better.

I think I'm handling this pretty well.  I'm tamping down my fears, worries and stress like a pro!  I'm working very hard to keep a positive, can-do attitude!  But deep inside I have this sinking feeling.  It's like an uncomfortable lump in my tummy.  Makes me want to cry sometimes.  I feel a sense of desperation.  Is there some way out of this?  Is there some way I can just be done with my house without seriously damaging my finances?  Or killing myself off physically doing repairs to try to save some money?  Then, when the panic sets in, I tell myself how I can do this and to stop being afraid and worried.  Take it a step at a time, but keep pushing.  But the panic is there.  Just under the surface.  It makes me wonder how well I'll get thru this process?  I fight off the deeper panic, that I won't be able to sell it.  Of course I'll be able to sell it!  Right?

It's been a while since I've had to deal with a lot of stress.  I'm not used to it.  When I've been stressed over my kid's lives I was able to detach on some level because it is their lives and their problems.  Do what I can and leave the rest to them.  This time it's on me.  I've vaguely worried about this but now the process has started and it's no longer a vague worry that I don't have to deal with yet.  I have to deal with it now.  And for the foreseeable future.  It's not making my tummy happy!

I need to go to the next North Metro Volunteers meeting and inform them that I need to step away from the group this summer and deal with this project.  I won't be doing the Relay for Life.  If they want to do it, I'll pass along contact info.  If not, I'll let the Relay folks know we're stepping out of it this year. 

I'm going to make an effort to take good care of myself in the coming months.  I need to be well rested and healthy to deal with this best.  I am also going to blog here to relieve tension or at least just vent it, and I'm also going to lean on my friends and family for support and the occasional pep talk.  It'll be OK and one of these days, this house will be sold and I will be free!