I jogged! First time in many years...

I'm slamming my 2nd Diet Mountain Dew of the morning, cause I'm healthy like that!  I just got back from a morning jog.  I wanted to write about it quickly while it is still all fresh in my mind.  I did some jogging years ago and stopped because I have shitty knees and after a while I was limping everywhere and feeling like my thigh bones was going to slip off and slide down to into my shins.  Why am I trying this again?  I'm a glutton for punishment is all I can come up with!

It was raining this AM when I woke up so I pretty much talked myself out of jogging.  I did my puzzles, I caught up on my You Tube subscriptions, I checked twitter and had a heart palpitation for a second because Tom Barnard of the KQRS show has begun following me and I suddenly felt like I should tweet something!  Then I got over it because he probably follows tons of people and wouldn't notice if I never tweeted anything.  Pressure came back off.

I realized I didn't hear the pitter pat of rain on the roof anymore so decided I would do my jog.  I do have some reasons for trying jogging.  #1 I'm fat and want to get in better shape.  #2 I want to find better ways to deal with the stresses in my life than eating them, which is what I've been doing.  #3 I figured it'd give me some blogging material.

I put on some sweats that I figured wouldn't fall down as I ran, layered up, slapped on a baseball cap and drove off to Loch Ness Park in hopes that no one would be there so I could do this thing without an audience.  It's one thing to tell you all about it but another thing to have people thinking I'm on the verge of a stroke as I "jog" by because I'm wheezing and panting so hard!

I got out and it was still spitting rain.  I have been out in worse so pfft, here I go!

see?  spit!

Got there and was REALLY disappointed to see other cars!  DAMMIT!!  SHIT!  I had my excuse to turn around and go home but decided to stop being a pussy and do this thing!  So I started jogging.  I did a shuffle kind of jog because I recently saw a Nike commercial with a fat kid jogging like that and he'd lost a bunch of weight.  Like 30 some pounds!  I admired him and it also looked like something I could tolerate longer than a full out run.  At first it seemed to be going pretty well but it didn't take long before I was taking some ridiculously big breaths!  That's what I get for nurturing my marshmallow lifestyle so long!

My jiggly bits didn't bounce as badly as I'd thought they would, which was gratifying.  I kind of thought "things" might throw me off balance with the love handles bouncing one way and the boobs bouncing another and the thighs doing their own things!  Then I hit my first water barrier.  This is the crap that happens when you jog during a spring melt after a thunderstorm.

I developed a plan where I'd jog until I hit these water barriers and then take a breathing break while I walked around them.  I also admired some pretty red branches...

So I got back to jogging...which in reality is a fast shuffle with arms held up to look like a jog.  I only passed one guy and his dog on my jog and said "morning" and went on my way...he didn't ask if I was dying.  Whew!

So I jogged and jogged.  (Actually, this path is maybe a mile but for a marshmallow like me it seemed pretty endless)  I was starting to really look forward to those water barriers!  About 2/3rds of the way around the lake I started feeling like throwing up.  I also saw my first 2 robins, but scared them so didn't get a picture.  Robins, YAY!  So I waited a bit and got my urge to barf under control.  Then on I went.  At this point I was starting to feel stubborn with myself.  I wanted to walk but kept telling myself how I came here to JOG not go for a walk so fucking JOG already!!  So I jogged.

My jogging style was devolving.  I went past an office building and if anyone had looked out they might have thought a zombie was trying to jog because things were getting a little disjointed and it was getting to be more of a staggering shuffle than a jog.

I could see my car in the distance so decided to push myself to actually lift my feet and do this!  Jog, Jog I told myself!  Jog to the car!  Lift those feet up!  PUSH PUSH!!  And then I saw the dog guy coming around and knew I had to get to my car before he intercepted me and saw my beet red face and heard my wheezing and gasping!  The zombie jog was on full force at that point...made it!

I jumped into my car as fast as I could...didn't bother to take my purse out of my trunk...I just wanted to get out of there.  And then the stench hit me.  I had sweated!  GROSS!  This is part of the reason I'm not a fan of the gym because I hate being sweaty unless it's for some good sex.  And good sex sweat seems to smell good to me whereas exercise sweat, not so much!

I did it!  I jogged!  Not well, not fast, not far but I freaking jogged for about a mile!!!  And now I get to shower this icky sweat off!!  I might even jog again...this didn't go as badly as I thought it would.

Me, post jog, unwashed, sweaty, no make-up, beet red face and feeling all proud of myself!

On the drive home my calves started twitching, my ears were aching from the cold, my lungs feel like they worked.  Walking up the stairs to my house I started wondering if I was in for a cramp fest?  But everything has settled down while I wrote this entry.  It's all good!  I survived!